From the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service: It has been reported that Kamala Harris has sustained a rather serious whiplash injury after her sudden flip-flop on the BLM/Antifa riots occurring in Democrat-run cities around the country.
The Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service spoke with one anonymous hospital source who was present when campaign staffers rushed the injured VP nominee to the emergency room shortly after she came out against the violence she has, for the last four months, supported.
“She was in a great deal of pain,” said the source who spoke with us only on the condition of anonymity.
“I mean, wow! You should’a heard her yelling.”
Sudden flip-flop injuries are not uncommon for Harris who, according to this source, has been rushed to the ER for similar injuries since she first announced her run for President in January 2019.
“This sudden flip-flop caused a lot more damage to her cervical spine than the flip-flop over whether prisoners on death row should be able to vote,” said our source. “Don’t get me wrong, the prisoner’s voting sudden flip-flop was bad. I was on duty that night. But compared to that one? Wow! This one was really, really bad.”
“The screaming was out of this world!” One ER patient told us. “I was in an exam room down the hall, and I could hear it clear as day. She kept shouting ‘But I had to condemn it!’ And she kept screaming ‘The polling! The polling!’ over and over again. Honestly? After listening to ‘The polling! The polling!’ for like fifteen minutes, I asked a nurse to move me further away. It was giving me a headache.”
The Senator’s campaign staffers were heard arguing in the hall over whether or not to start deleting some of her earlier tweets in support of the rioting.
Frantic campaign staffers were also seen congregating by the elevators, making hurried phone calls and discussing ways to explain Harris’ severe whiplash without admitting it was a self-inflicted sudden flip-flop injury.
One campaign staffer, speaking anonymously, expressed frustration over the floated excuses.
“Sky diving?! I mean, come on!” this staffer told us. “Reporters follow Senator Harris around from morning to night. Sure they’re extremely supportive, but when no pictures of this supposed ‘sky diving’ surface, even they won’t be able to hide that it’s a big, fat lie.”
With Joe Biden only doing extremely limited campaigning from now until election day, the Democrats have pinned all their hope on Harris to do the heavy lifting. Naturally this sudden flip-flop injury puts that in doubt.
“She’ll be on pain meds for at least the next three or four days,” the anonymous staffer explained. “We can’t have both the nominee and his running mate blitzed out on meds. This is a train wreck! And it’s all because of the damn polling! Just like every other sudden flip-flop injury the Senator has sustained. Like the busing one, the getting rid of private health insurance one, not to mention the damn “Boston Bomber voting” thing. Every single time we get polling, the Senator has to wrench away from her previous position, and this flip-flop injury happens.”
Doctors suspect repeated flip-flop injuries sustained since early 2019 have also increased the likelihood that the extent of damage from any future sudden flip-flops will inevitably be worse — with the possibility that the damage will be irreversible.
“At this rate,” the anonymous staffer went on, “with two months of campaigning to go, doctors are really concerned that by November Senator Harris will be in a wheelchair unable to turn her head or even nod! And the Senator relies on nodding to give the impression that she is empathetic! God, what a disaster!”
We asked the staffer if Vice President Biden suffered the same flip-flop injury over his shift in position on the rioting.
“Oh, Joe has no idea what his campaign staff put out today. And even if he did, he doesn’t remember what happened yesterday, so the chances he knows it’s a flip-flop are slim to none.”
Harris was spotted, surrounded by staffers, leaving the hospital late last night wearing a cervical brace and walking with a cane. Harris was heard saying, “That’s the last time I go skydiving!”
Check out all the totally unbiased news reports from the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service HERE. We’re wildly inaccurate, but not CNN inaccurate.
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