From the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service
After months of struggling to find collusion between President Donald Trump and Russia, the explosive truth has been revealed.
But it isn’t Vladimir Putin with whom Trump has colluded.
Instead, there is now documented proof that President Trump is colluding with God.
You read that right, my friends.
God is working with President Trump despite the fact that He holds no Senate-approved position in the Administration.
When reached for comment, Senator Dianne Feinstein said, “There is no way that any Democrat would have ever approved the nomination of God! We’re the party who boos Him! So why would we ever permit Him anywhere near this White House?!”
Likewise, the Junior Senator from New York, Kirsten Gillibrand also found God’s involvement with President Trump completely objectionable.
“God is f*cking pro-Life! He hates women’s health and wants to see women back in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant. You know, like f*cking Eve! And I say, f*ck no! F*ck no to that sh*t!”
Congresswoman Maxine Waters vowed to bring the President down over his collusion with God.
Speaking only on the condition of “pseudonymity,” the California Congresswoman said, “God has no place in the White House! And there are over seven hundred billion people who object! God is going to help get Trump to impeachment! And I swear to God that … um … I mean to say … well … as God is my witness … er … Well, it doesn’t matter! God has no place in the White House!”
We were able to catch up with Senator Kamala Harris outside of the Womyn Only Senate Foot Spa.
“The Constitution is clear,” the California Senator told us. “It says right there in the Constitution that there is a separation between Church and State.”
When we pointed out that there is no such phrase in the Constitution, Harris grew testy.
“Stop interrupting me! I’m a lawyer, so I know these things! It’s right there in the First Amendment! ‘Separation of Church and State.’ You’d have to be an idiot not to know that!”
Our attempts to get Senator Schumer on record were stymied when the New York Senator broke down in tears and had to be led away by a staffer.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi was clearly agitated by the news.
“Eh-eh-eh, President Bush is … God has to …. He believes in abortion and … eh-eh-eh … I think Martin Luther Sing said it best when he … uh … said that there is separation of church and steak.”
It is reported that Congressman Brad Sherman is revising his Articles of Impeachment to include colluding with a Divine Being.
“This is collusion of the highest order,” Sherman explained. “And proof that President Trump is a puppet of the Almighty. This cozy relationship with God explains why President Trump thinks he is above the law. And that is a high crime if there ever was one! It’s treason! God has no place in the White House or Washington DC for that matter. And our Founders must be rolling over in their graves that Donald Trump would dare to bring God here!”
Democrat Adam Schiff has vowed to subpoena God and force Him to testify before the House Intelligence Committee.
No word at this writing if God or His attorneys have responded.
Hit the Tip Jar!
Your contributions help keep PatriotRetort.com an ad-free site. Hit DONATE button or the SUBSCRIBE button in the side bar. Even a few bucks can make a world of difference!
Check out DiannyTees.com
— my Conservative & Christian T-shirt Store.