This is Part Two in my “Damn, it snowed in November” series.
I finally finished shoveling the front. Which took all day – with several breaks to rest my Lupus-ridden carcass.
As I mentioned in the previous post, someone got his car stuck in the middle of the street about seven feet from the end of my driveway. If I had any plans to go anywhere, it was made impossible by this genius who found himself stuck and decided to just leave his car there abandoned.
The entire time I was out there shoveling, that car remained. Nobody came to retrieve it all morning.
I was halfway tempted to make a sign that read: “Mentally Handicapped Parking Only” then nail it to a post and stick in the snow beside his car. But that seemed like an awful lot of work. Besides, I had to shovel.
Who leaves a car stuck in the middle of the street for seven hours?!
During my first break, I came in and called the DPW to let them know the plows will not be able to plow our street because of the car stuck smack-dab in the center.
The guy at Public Works told me, “Call the police. Snow emergency is in effect. They have to ticket and tow it.”
So I called my local precinct.
An officer came about ten minutes later to ticket the car. That was around ten-thirty.
Meanwhile, by noon, I got everything in front shoveled completely – rushing to beat the warming temperatures because a foot of snow that is warming weighs twice as much.
And about a half hour after I finally finished – just before one — the dummy who left his car there for over seven hours finally turned up.
I’m calling him Ernest.
When I heard him out there, I went to the front door to offer a hand. But the first thing that idiot did was shovel all the snow around his car into my newly cleared driveway.
Suffice it to say that made my charitable nature melt away faster than this heavy snow.
I decided he was on his own.
Then, he proceeded to pull into my driveway over the pile of snow he deposited there.
And guess what?
Yeah, he got stuck in the pile he made. In my driveway.
Shock, I know.
So what does Ernest do?
He guns his car up into my driveway coming inches from slamming into my parked car.
Then he gets out, surveys the pile of snow he deposited at the end of my drive, gets back in and barrels through it into the street.
And in the process, he gets stuck in the street for the second time.
So Ernest guns it forward into my driveway – nearly hitting my car once again.
Then he guns it back into the street and gets stuck a third time.
So he backs up while turning the wheel – nearly slamming into the utility pole just to the side of my driveway.
Nice. Take out my electricity, genius.
Finally, Ernest manages to get his car to the opposite curb.
But of course since his car has blocked the street all day, the plow has yet to clear it. Naturally, the snow along the curb was too deep for him to maneuver.
And he gets stuck again.
Now, keep in mind. The temperature has risen since this morning. And all the snow that he’s gotten stuck on has about a six inch layer of slush beneath it. And his screaming, spinning tires have now packed that slush into an immovable, frozen block. He can’t go anywhere.
So he comes out, grabs his shovel, and attempts to dig himself free again.
Of course, since he piles that newly dug snow/slush all over the street, he only creates more obstacles for him to try and avoid.
So what does he do?
He backs into my driveway really fast – and for the third time, nearly slams into my car.
And then, Mario Andretti (AKA Ernest) revs his engine and tears out of my driveway into the street and careens south — fishtailing the entire away.
Leaving me to go back outside and re-shovel my once completely pristine driveway of all the snow he not only deposited there, but drove over so many times he created a packed-down semi-frozen slushy blockade.
Personally, I wish the city tow truck had gotten here before Ernest got his car unstuck.
Any old how.
I went out to dig the snow he piled in my driveway — when there it was.
The gigantic city plow truck complete with a side wing-blade.
And as I stood on my driveway and watched, the side blade deposited a three foot high pile of chunky, packed, icy snow all along my front walk and four feet up my drive.
So a shoveling project that began sometime after nine is now officially complete at 2:30 in the afternoon.
My Lupus is not happy. By morning, I’ll be lucky if I can walk without both my canes.
Now you want to hear the kicker?
Tomorrow the temperature will be in the forties.
Hit the Tip Jar!
Every dollar makes a difference! Hit the DONATE button in the side bar. Or, set up a recurring monthly contribution by choosing SUBSCRIBE.
Please White List Patriot Retort
Not everyone can afford to make a donation. But you can still help keep this site solvent by white listing PatriotRetort.com in your ad blocker. Ads help pay for this site and ad-blockers hurt that effort. I made sure that the ads that appear here will not obstruct or interfere with your enjoyment of the content. So please add PatriotRetort.com to your white list.