Ernest Gets His Car Unstuck

Ernest gets his car unstuck

This is Part Two in my “Damn, it snowed in November” series.

I finally finished shoveling the front. Which took all day – with several breaks to rest my Lupus-ridden carcass.

As I mentioned in the previous post, someone got his car stuck in the middle of the street about seven feet from the end of my driveway. If I had any plans to go anywhere, it was made impossible by this genius who found himself stuck and decided to just leave his car there abandoned.

The entire time I was out there shoveling, that car remained. Nobody came to retrieve it all morning.

I was halfway tempted to make a sign that read: “Mentally Handicapped Parking Only” then nail it to a post and stick in the snow beside his car. But that seemed like an awful lot of work. Besides, I had to shovel.

Who leaves a car stuck in the middle of the street for seven hours?!

During my first break, I came in and called the DPW to let them know the plows will not be able to plow our street because of the car stuck smack-dab in the center.

The guy at Public Works told me, “Call the police. Snow emergency is in effect. They have to ticket and tow it.”

So I called my local precinct.

An officer came about ten minutes later to ticket the car. That was around ten-thirty.

Meanwhile, by noon, I got everything in front shoveled completely – rushing to beat the warming temperatures because a foot of snow that is warming weighs twice as much.

And about a half hour after I finally finished – just before one — the dummy who left his car there for over seven hours finally turned up.

I’m calling him Ernest.

When I heard him out there, I went to the front door to offer a hand. But the first thing that idiot did was shovel all the snow around his car into my newly cleared driveway.

Thanks, asshole!

Suffice it to say that made my charitable nature melt away faster than this heavy snow.

I decided he was on his own.

Then, he proceeded to pull into my driveway over the pile of snow he deposited there.

And guess what?

Yeah, he got stuck in the pile he made. In my driveway.

Shock, I know.

So what does Ernest do?

He guns his car up into my driveway coming inches from slamming into my parked car.

Then he gets out, surveys the pile of snow he deposited at the end of my drive, gets back in and barrels through it into the street.

And in the process, he gets stuck in the street for the second time.

So Ernest guns it forward into my driveway – nearly hitting my car once again.

Then he guns it back into the street and gets stuck a third time.

So he backs up while turning the wheel – nearly slamming into the utility pole just to the side of my driveway.

Nice. Take out my electricity, genius.

Finally, Ernest manages to get his car to the opposite curb.

But of course since his car has blocked the street all day, the plow has yet to clear it. Naturally, the snow along the curb was too deep for him to maneuver.

And he gets stuck again.

Now, keep in mind. The temperature has risen since this morning. And all the snow that he’s gotten stuck on has about a six inch layer of slush beneath it. And his screaming, spinning tires have now packed that slush into an immovable, frozen block. He can’t go anywhere.

So he comes out, grabs his shovel, and attempts to dig himself free again.

Of course, since he piles that newly dug snow/slush all over the street, he only creates more obstacles for him to try and avoid.

So what does he do?

He backs into my driveway really fast – and for the third time, nearly slams into my car.

And then, Mario Andretti (AKA Ernest) revs his engine and tears out of my driveway into the street and careens south — fishtailing the entire away.

Leaving me to go back outside and re-shovel my once completely pristine driveway of all the snow he not only deposited there, but drove over so many times he created a packed-down semi-frozen slushy blockade.

Personally, I wish the city tow truck had gotten here before Ernest got his car unstuck.

But alas.

Any old how.

I went out to dig the snow he piled in my driveway — when there it was.

The gigantic city plow truck complete with a side wing-blade.

And as I stood on my driveway and watched, the side blade deposited a three foot high pile of chunky, packed, icy snow all along my front walk and four feet up my drive.

So a shoveling project that began sometime after nine is now officially complete at 2:30 in the afternoon.

My Lupus is not happy. By morning, I’ll be lucky if I can walk without both my canes.

Now you want to hear the kicker?

Tomorrow the temperature will be in the forties.

Oy, gevalt.

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10 thoughts on “Ernest Gets His Car Unstuck

  • November 16, 2018 at 4:35 pm
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    I feel your pain. It is truly amazing the number of people I see every day who clearly should not ever, under any circumstances, be allowed to operate a motor vehicle on public roads. I sometimes wonder how they were able to purchase their cars, because it’s obvious they are far too stupid to hold a job.

    • November 16, 2018 at 4:40 pm
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      How the heck did he pass a driver’s test?! I mean, I’ve seen children driving bumper cars who have a better grasp of driving.

  • November 16, 2018 at 7:14 pm
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    You should have recorded it and had Ernest arrested for trespassing. What right does he have using your driveway?

    • November 16, 2018 at 7:36 pm
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      He left his car in the middle of the street for over seven hours. I’m guessing he isn’t someone who worries about trespassing on someone’s property.

  • November 16, 2018 at 10:27 pm
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    This is only one of the many reasons I miss living in Upstate New York (kidding! I can’t tell you how many times I had the same experience with a snow plow after spending hours breaking my back shoveling out my driveway)…

  • November 16, 2018 at 11:10 pm
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    Dianny, I would have told him that he’d get better traction if he let all the air out of his tires.

  • November 16, 2018 at 11:30 pm
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    Shovelers Rule Number One.
    Always know the forecast
    Shovelers Rule Number Two,
    (see rule one)

  • November 17, 2018 at 8:44 am
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    I drove a truck in the Chicago area as far back as 78-79. The natives would shovel a spot in front of their subsidized housing unit and put chairs there so no one else would park there. I recall at least one incident where somebody moved the chairs to take the spot. He was shot dead by the shovelee. They take their parking serious in the ‘hood.

  • November 17, 2018 at 8:50 am
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    Up North here, the quickest way to get your street plowed is to clear your driveway.

  • November 17, 2018 at 9:35 am
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    Sounds like you had a real ‘Rocket Surgeon’ there driving that 4 wheel projectile. Too bad he got away. Sometimes it is fun to watch a stupid rat in a maze.

    Sorry about the plow. You must be on their ‘first pass’ side of the street. That means you get 70% of the snow in the road dumped into your driveway while your neighbor across the street gets practically none. I have had that be the case for me many times in my life. My suggestion, get a 4×4 with great ground clearance and forget shoveling the driveway.

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