Happy Al Sharpton Day!


As the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service reported last April 1, 2015, President Obama officially renamed April Fools’ Day Al Sharpton Day.

So, happy Al Sharpton Day everybody!

In anticipation of his annual day of commemoration, Al was interviewed by Vanity Fair where he shared with readers his concerns over the end of Barack Obama’s tenure in the Oval Office.

Unlike 99.9% of the American people who will be doing a happy dance on January 20, 2017, Al is downright forlorn at the prospect of an Obamaless America.

First he worries about an America without Barack Obama. What will happen when “he walks out of there, and there is not even the symbol of a black family walking out of the White House every day, going to Air Force One. I worry that the despair and emotions on the ground escalate. ‘Cause not only do we feel we’re not getting justice, we’re not feeling we’re being assuaged by someone that we feel is at least sensitive to those needs. And I don’t know that America is ready or has adequately prepared to deal with that.”

From the way Al is talking, one would think life for black Americans (other than Al Sharpton) got better under Obama.

Has this dude been living under a rock?

Al is especially worried that some white interloper (or, half Cuban interloper) might be taking Barry’s place.

“Ted Cruz, I think, is very dangerous. And I think that Trump is dangerous but that he’s so bizarre he might be easier to beat.”

And Al is really worried.

He’s super worried.

He’s so worried he’s losing sleep.

Sharpton worries that people don’t see the danger looming in November. “If we get the wrong Supreme Court justice, and the wrong president to stack that court—voting rights, affirmative action, the criminal-justice reform that Holder started, all that is gone. Roe versus Wade? Same-sex marriage? Gone. This is a real moment. This is time to put on your big-boy, big-girl pants, ‘cuz you’re dealing with some craziness.
“I take it personally,” he says. “I get up in the morning worried about that. I go to sleep at night worried.”

But of course he’s worried. A Republican in the White House might mean a Justice Department that actually looks into Al’s shady dealings and an IRS that actually prosecutes him for tax evasion.

Of course what really worries Al is without a Democrat in the White House, his fifteen minutes of political power will dry up and blow away like a whole lot of dust.

“It all means nothing if we lose voting rights and immigration rights and can’t deal with policing. I mean, nothing. I’ll be just another guy who got known.”

Oh, brother.

Now, can you see why April 1st is Al Sharpton Day?

What a fool.

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One thought on “Happy Al Sharpton Day!

  • April 2, 2016 at 12:38 am

    lol… Al, aren’t you adorable!

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