In the “Who is the Least Authentic 2020 Candidate” horserace, Liz Warren is ahead by a length. In fact, she is so lacking in authenticity, it isn’t even a horserace at this point.
Now, if Kirsten Gillibrand was still in the race, maybe, just maybe Liz would have some competition. But not anymore.
Liz Warren’s authenticity deficit exceeds whatever budget deficit would result from a Warren Presidency. That’s how lacking in authenticity this woman is.
Nobody is worse at staging faux spontaneous campaign videos than Liz Warren.
Like this latest one.
(PS: I’m really sorry to subject you to this)
I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry.
In the interests of full disclosure, I couldn’t make it through the whole thing, and I tried twice. But I have Lupus. Cringing this hard is not good for me. But I think even if I didn’t have Lupus, I wouldn’t have made it to the end.
It’s just that awful.
That campaign video (tweeted on purpose from her own account!) looks like an SNL parody of a tremendously bad Liz Warren staged video.
She’s not just cringeworthy anymore. In fact, Liz has blown so far past cringeworthy, she couldn’t see cringeworthy in her review mirror.
This is flat-out painful to watch.
This is Liz Warren’s single greatest problem. There is absolutely nothing about her that is genuine. Not one thing.
It isn’t just an authenticity deficit. She has zero authenticity. Zero. Nada.
She can’t even fake it.
Watching Liz flailing to appeal to Millennials always makes me think of the time Ethel Merman decided to release a disco album.
But even Ethel Merman belting out a disco version of “I got Rhythm” is nowhere near as painful as that awful Liz and the gay guy video.
And why Warren’s campaign thinks these staged, canned and painfully awkward video moments will help make up for Liz’s authenticity deficit is anybody’s guess.
Sure, there will always be #VoteBlue Twitter denizens with #Resist in their bios who will squeal like tweens at a Lizzo concert over everything Lizo Warren does.
But this kind of awkward, embarrassing, painful display won’t play among sentient human beings.
And it certainly doesn’t make Liz look in any way, shape, manner or form Presidential.
In all things, no matter what you aspire to be, you should always play to your strengths.
Filming a staged “spontaneous FaceTime” chat with a flouncing gay guy is not by any stretch of the imagination one of Liz Warren’s strengths.
As far as I can tell, Liz’s only strength is scolding and nagging.
And sure, she’s wowing those Chardonnay-swilling “cul-de-sac busybodies” with her incessant screeching that Jesse Kelly once described as “the voice of a dying turkey.”
But Millennials aren’t big on scolding and nagging.
So what’s Team Warren to do? They have to pander to Millennials since those dummies are the only voting bloc that would overwhelmingly support someone who would completely destroy their own future.
But struggling to appeal to woke, young, bubble-dwelling social media dimwits when you’re about as hip and fun as an aging, angry hall monitor is a recipe for disaster.
And yet. Liz just keeps doing it.
In fact, in addition to an authenticity deficit, Liz suffers from a deficit of personality as well.
That video is what it looks like when you have nothing organic that makes you appealing, interesting, or fun.
In the general election lacking both personality and authenticity will be the kiss of death. Especially when you’re going up against a guy who has, not a deficit, but a surplus of both.
On a related note:
This was my favorite paragraph:
Where Kirstin Gillibrand came across as America’s First Wife, Warren comes across as that irritating middle school librarian who is constantly demanding that we all use our inside voices and who puts up posters that say “Reading Is Cool!” with a picture of the Fonz. Functionaries like that are just fine for keeping seventh graders from burning down the school and for passing out tomes so the kids can learn them their cypherin’, but grown men and women neither need nor want some National Nag pestering them to be better people. For one thing, we’re already manifestly better than the cast of weirdos, losers and pinko mutations that make up Warren’s motley base.
Read the whole thing. You won’t be sorry.
Dianny’s new ebook, RANT: Derangement & Resistance in MAGA Country, is now available for purchase. You can find it at Amazon, Apple iBooks, Barnes & Noble Nook Store, and at Smashwords for only $4.99!
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