The air must be really thin up there on Dead Body Mountain. Governor “Boy I Really Nailed This Thing” Cuomo took some time out from his victory lap over having the highest per capita death rate in the country to issue yet another dictate. From here on out, restaurants must not serve alcohol to patrons unless said patrons also order food. Apparently a gin and tonic alone puts you at risk for COVID, but ordering the sampler appetizer platter along with that G&T renders you immune.
Governor “Didn’t I Do I Great Job” Cuomo believes drinking at an outdoor restaurant sans food leads to that high-risk behavior known as “sticking around too long.” Whereas drinking while enjoying the sampler appetizer platter will force people to hurry the hell up and leave.
I’m unclear if patrons will be required to order another sample appetizer platter every time they order an additional drink, or if just having the same plate of food at your table inoculates you from the threat of COVID.
Though, to be fair, restaurant owners are just as unclear about the latest proclamation from on high as I am.
I checked Governor “Dead Body Mountain’s” poster of praise to himself to see if there was a neat little cartoon depicting the food-to-drink ratio, and there was not.
Now, it’s been a while since I’ve gone out with friends to a restaurant mostly because I do not possess the disposable income necessary to eat out. But as I dimly recall, even with every person at the table ordering food, we still managed to hang out there for quite a while. Turns out, eating takes longer.
I used to go out to dinner with friends every Friday evening. Our Friday Night Dinners tended to last a long, looooong time. And none of us were drinkers! I mean other than coke or iced tea. So it wasn’t the booze that made us linger, so much as the personal interaction, good company and conversation.
That leads me to believe the “You must order the sample appetizer platter in order to limit the amount of time you hang out” order will do the sum total of nothing.
Which, on the plus side, is a better outcome than most of “Gee, Aren’t I Dreamy” Cuomo’s COVID-related orders. We should be thankful he isn’t requiring outdoor diners to place their orders from the nearest nursing home.
And like most Democrat politicians, Governor “I Choose Science” is about to be blindsided by Newton’s Third Law:
Okay, that’s hilarious.
Naturally, that kind of pushback is going to send Andrew “L’État c’est moi!” Cuomo into apoplectic fits of rage. He hates it when he’s disobeyed.
And to make sure we understand just how much he hates disobedience, New York restaurants are getting a “three strikes” rule. If any have the temerity to violate these latest orders from Governor “Yes Girls, I’m Single” three times, the offending establishment will be immediately closed down.
And if they cross the Don further by reopening on the down low, they’ll lose their liquor license, face hefty fines, and will be sleeping with fishes.
But hey, isn’t that poster terrific?!
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