Political Life Alert

This portion of PatriotRetort.com brought to you by Political Life Alert.

Running for office when you can barely stand on your own two feet?

Often confused?

Are you prone to short circuit while on national television?

Don’t worry!

Political Life Alert is there to make sure your sorry old carcass can make it across the finish line.

Political Life Alert

Just press the Political Life Alert “Reset” button and the Enslaved Press will rally to your side.

You’ll have no fear that your bumbling, teetering, stumbling and drunken careening ever make it to the evening news cycle.

Our rapid response Political Life Alert Team will divert all attention away from you and toward your political opponent.

Your frailties become his frailties.

The glaring lack of fitness for office you are prone to display will become his unfitness for office.

Whether in the polls or on the stairs — if you’re prone to falling, Political Life Alert is there to cover your ass.

Don’t just lie there like a turtle on its back.

Get Political Life Alert.

We’ll be there when you fall.

Political Life Alert is not available for Republican candidates.

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5 thoughts on “Political Life Alert

  • August 8, 2016 at 1:26 pm

    ROFL!!! One of your best!

  • August 8, 2016 at 1:55 pm

    I recall when they wheeled the late and unlamented Klansman,Robert C. Byrd onto the Senate floor on a hospital gurney to vote on legislation to screw over the American people.They’ll prop Hiliary up like Weekend At Bernie’s to get her into the White House.Then Bubba can be president again.Against the law?Watch them.

  • August 8, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    The media would endorse her rotting corpse before plugging Trump.

  • August 9, 2016 at 9:04 pm


Comments are closed.