So you want to be a Hate Crime Hoaxer

So you want to be a hate crime hoaxer

So you’ve decided you want enter the fun, fast-paced, lucrative career of Hate Crime Hoaxer.

Congratulations!

The Hate Crime Hoaxer profession is an excellent way to attain national recognition without having to do anything worthwhile to earn it.

Those who select a career in Hate Crime Hoaxing will see their public profile go from “virtually unknown” to “social media hero” overnight! All without ever having to lift a finger to contribute to society.

But the life of a Hate Crime Hoaxer has some challenges. But fear not! These challenges can easily be surmounted without ever having to expend any real effort or hard work!

We here at Hate Crime Hoaxer Training Center want to help you get underway in your new, exciting profession.

Just following these quick and easy helpful tips will help increase the likelihood that your Hate Crime Hoax goes off without a hitch.

Choosing a location

The location of your hate crime hoax is important. You do not want witnesses who can quickly contradict your accusations.

It is vitally important when setting up your hoax crime that you never, and we can’t stress this enough, NEVER select a public place with lots of people present – like a check-out line at a Publix.

Likewise, avoid setting your hate crime hoax in an area blanketed with security cameras – like a street in downtown Chicago or even a grocery store.

Choosing your targeted fall guy

The most popular “suspect” for those aspiring to a career as a Hate Crime Hoaxer is a white man in a Make America Great Again hat.

There is no doubt that this “villain” is the one most likely to catapult you into the national limelight, increase your social media followers and get you the attention of Hollywood celebrities and Democrat politicians. And if you play your cards right and set up a GoFundMe account, could have you rolling in dough in less than 48 hours.

However, some words of caution.

Your hate crime hoax “suspect” must never be someone who actually exists in the real world.

Never, let us repeat that, NEVER select a random man behind you in the express check-out lane of a Publix and cast him in the role of your “suspect.”

Even if you succeed in pulling off the hoax in the perfect location, selecting an actual person increases the likelihood that your “villain” will go to the media and dispute your accusations.

For example:  The hoaxer accuses a real person of being a white male Trump supporter who verbally assaults said hoaxer and tells her “go back where you came from.” But because this person is real, he can easily do the same thing as the hoaxer and go to social media and the local news and dispute the charge.

Furthermore, there are just far too many unknown variables when accusing an actual person of being a white Trump supporter.

He could be Cuban.

He could hate Trump as much if not more than you do.

And, worst case scenario, he could hire a lawyer and sue your ass for defamation and libel.

If that happens, you can kiss all that GoFundMe cash goodbye.

It is always better to accuse a phantom.  When you claim a man in a MAGA hat “verbally assaulted” you and he doesn’t exist, nobody will come forward to deny the charge.

On the outside chance your hate crime hoax requires an actually person, you are free to hire some people to play the role. But make sure they look the part.

And for the love of God, do not pay them by check!

Don’t go to the police

Reporting a hate crime hoax to the police is a dumb idea. That should go without saying. But sadly, we must say it because so many people who hope for a career as a hate crime hoaxer often stupidly get the police involved and end up facing charges themselves.

So be smart and avoid this sticky situation. Leave the police out of it and simply go to social media.

Don’t get greedy

Choosing a career as a Hate Crime Hoaxer can be very lucrative and bring you much-desired fame.  But you must be careful not to get too greedy.

You’re lying after all.

It isn’t wise to sit down with Robin Roberts of Good Morning America and recount your hoax crime.  And it isn’t a smart idea to hold a formal press conference then return to the scene of the “crime” to get on camera with the local news people.

The more attention you bring to yourself, the more likely it is your hoax crime will be exposed.

Never appear too eager to get your face on TV.

One helpful tip we tell our aspiring hate crime hoaxers is to feign reluctance over telling your story.  Act conflicted about all the attention you’re getting.  You’d be surprised how much praise and attention you will get by insisting you want to move on from the whole terrible ordeal.

And whatever you do, do not feel the need to elaborate further on the details from one interview to the next.  Lies upon lies always expose the Hoax.  This will end your career as a Hate Crime Hoaxer quicker than you can say Jussie Smollett.

We hope these suggestions help you start your career as a Hate Crime Hoaxer.

One Caveat

Even if you follow our helpful guidelines there is no guarantee that your hate crime hoax will succeed. Sure, those who hopped aboard your story will quietly delete their tweets and pretend you never existed. But you still could face criminal charges or lawsuits.

So our final helpful tip for every aspiring Hate Crime Hoaxer is this: Don’t do it. Instead, try becoming an honest, respectable human being for once in your miserable life.

~~~

Once again the media, celebrities, Democrat politicians and gormless ResistanceLOL drones on social media fell for a fake hate crime this weekend.

Trump Derangement has so addled the common sense of these people that no matter how many times they end up with egg on their faces, they still hungrily believe every hate crime hoaxer who comes over the transom.

The latest Jussie Smollett is a loudmouth Democrat State Rep from Georgia who took to Facebook on Friday to share her harrowing tale of Hate in Trump’s America.

She was in the express check-out lane at a Publix grocery store when a white man called her a son of a bitch and told her to “go back where you came from.”

Now, I knew it was only a matter of time before some glory hound desperate to elevate his or her public profile would glom onto the “Send her back” chant.  But even I didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

The narrative was quickly set: White Trump supporter tells woman of color to “go back where you came from” and it’s all Trump’s fault!!!!

And all the people who fell for the Covington Catholic lie and the Jussie Smollett hoax crime happily spread the news.

This woman’s hoax crime was a top trending item on Twitter.

The news media picked it up.  Politicians hopped aboard to vilify President Trump for the “Send her back” chant at last week’s North Carolina rally.

And like clockwork, the politician nobody heard of got a heaping helping of fame.

And it was a lie.

The man in question showed up outside the Publix while the politician nobody heard of before was giving TV interviews.

He isn’t a Trump supporter at all – quite the opposite actually.

And he flat-out denies telling this glory hound to “go back where you came from.”

By yesterday evening, her story collapsed and even she was forced to admit on camera that the man never told her that.

Turns out, the fame-hungry politician decided to use the express check-out even though she had too many items.  And the man in question was irritated with her for clogging up the express lane so he told her off.

Sure, it’s rude.  Life’s too short to get angry because some chud with too many groceries decides to take the “express” out of Express Check-Out Lane.

But it isn’t a racist hate crime.

Because someone was rude to her, this idiot decided to slander the guy and try to ruin his life.

What’s terrifically sad (or hilariously funny and ironic) is this “white Trump supporter” she defamed is actually an anti-Trump Democrat who told the local news that he is Cuban.

But even after the story fell apart, the news media was still pushing this idiot’s hoax crime tall tale.

Here’s a screen capture of a tweet from CBS News (Because I’m thinking they’ll eventually delete it):

Hate Crime Hoaxer hoodwinks CBS News

As PT Barnum famously said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.”

But the ResistanceLOL, on the other hand, seems to birth a sucker every single second.

On the plus side, maybe after this idiotic incident, that Trump-hating Cuban man will realize who the real haters and bigots are and have a change of heart.

But given how crippling Trump Derangement Syndrome is, that might be too much to ask.

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4 thoughts on “So you want to be a Hate Crime Hoaxer

  • July 21, 2019 at 11:24 am
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    “Don’t get greedy”

    That’s the part that’s so hard to stick to. LOL!

  • July 21, 2019 at 3:40 pm
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    This article was absolutely delicious! Thank you!

  • July 21, 2019 at 6:45 pm
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    One more tip, Keep it Real: Once you have selected your mark (preferably fake) you will want to make up their words and actions to be offensive to polite society. However, make sure these are believable. For example, people in ultra-liberal neighborhoods don’t run around screaming, “This is MAGA country!”, don’t carry around shoelace noose necklaces to adorn their victims, and don’t shout something in a crowded room that had the media fainting over for the past week.

  • July 22, 2019 at 1:33 am
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    The real bigots, haters, baiters, and takers (of our tax $s) are…

    A line may form from the left

    ..

Comments are closed.