The Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator

If you ever wondered what happened to that little robot kid from the movie AI, well, he’s all grown up and running for President.  Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator.

The Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator

Between Cyborg Liz (1/1024th human) and Pete “the Platitude Generator” Buttigieg, the Democrat field sure has its fill of robotic, preprogrammed candidates, doesn’t it?

I’m convinced Buttigieg was developed in a lab.  Which may explain the Pixar Plasticine look of his New York Magazine cover picture.

Buttigieg’s campaign strategy consists of burping out one anodyne platitude after another.  With words — lots and lots of words – that sound profound, but in the end are utterly vapid and devoid of substance.

It’s as if a team of engineers loaded the contents of an Inspiration-a-Day calendar into his databanks. Then with the simple flip of a switch, all those feel-goodisms toss together like a salad then come tumbling out of Robot Pete’s mouth.

“We?”  Who is this “we?”

American citizens?  Illegal aliens?  The entire population of the planet?

It would be much more self-evident if we had some clue who, specifically, this “we” actually is.

But don’t ask for specifics.  The Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator does not do specifics.  He’s not programmed that way.

Besides, specifics aren’t the point.

The point is to make everything the Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator says sound both harmless and profound.

Yeah, that really doesn’t mean anything.

But, boy would it look good on a coffee mug, am I right?

And what is “the era that must come next?” Again, don’t expect specifics from the Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator.

We can’t forget this one:

And the Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator was so proud of that, he made it into a meme.

So did I:

Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator: Word Salad

Some clever prankster has even created a Mayor Pete Platitude Generator website.  Just click the INSPIRE button and prepare to be inspired.

Mayor Pete Platitude Generator Website

Because inspiration is the fuel of the collective spirit of the new era we will begin.

Or something.

The only thing the Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator has going for him is appearing almost lifelike while sounding perfectly harmless.

But he isn’t harmless.

Like the Cylons in Battlestar Galactica, this robotic, bromide-spewing automaton will turn on us.

Because there’s a flaw in his programming.

You see, the Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator hates this country as founded.

His true policies that his programming hides would upend our Constitution, our liberty, our economy and our system of self-government.

But much like the earlier prototype The Anodyne 2008 Obamamatic, this latest model is programmed to hide his deep loathing for our country behind a wall of meaningless clichés and vapid platitudes.

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15 thoughts on “The Anodyne 2020 Platitude Generator

  • February 14, 2020 at 2:33 pm
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    “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

  • February 14, 2020 at 2:51 pm
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    Maybe it’s just me, but your platitude generator looks JUST LIKE THAT CREEPY PORN LAWYER.
    Just sayin’…

    • February 15, 2020 at 2:55 pm
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      🤣 I KNEW that Creepy Head reminded me of some creep, just couldn’t choose which! Thanks for the “HEADS UP!! 👍

  • February 14, 2020 at 2:59 pm
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    “The fatal weakness of most clever people is they don’t know when to stop being clever”

    I think that’s Danial Greenfield.
    sorry

  • February 14, 2020 at 6:29 pm
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    I see what you did there

    “But, boy would it look good on a coffee mug, am I right?”

    Happy VD

    • February 14, 2020 at 8:35 pm
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      What did I do there? Because honest to God, I don’t know what you saw.

      • February 15, 2020 at 7:55 am
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        Uhhh… the “but, boy” part…

        • February 15, 2020 at 2:58 pm
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          OH Now I get it!!! 🤣❗

          • February 15, 2020 at 3:23 pm
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            Only, I didn’t write that as an anti-gay slam. Can I help it if these guys infer gay references where none exist? So, really, there is nothing for you to get.

        • February 15, 2020 at 3:28 pm
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          Sometimes, Pat, a “but, boy” is just the start of a sentence and nothing else. Not all of us are so creepy-obsessed by gay people that we see double entendre where there isn’t any.

  • February 15, 2020 at 8:57 am
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    Mayor Pete, a follower in a sea of followers with no real leader.

  • February 15, 2020 at 10:03 am
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    Had to check out the platitude generator site – hilarious! This popped up: “As a consultant at McKinsey I learned the struggles of moral position and the ability to reverberate that information into home ownership.” My brain first read it as Kinsey (as in Alfred Kinsey) and BOY does that give it a whole new meaning!

  • February 15, 2020 at 3:23 pm
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    I had to stop reading those platitudes! My brain couldn’t hold all that brilliance!! LMAO!! But this one is a jewel:
    “Voting is an act of hope. It reflects faith in black voters and it’s power to make our terrorism more
    perfect.”
    I broke a rib laughing at that one! Please, if anyone can translate that nonsense into every day speaking, let me know, OK?

  • February 15, 2020 at 3:48 pm
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    Dianny, I sincerely apologize for wording my post in a way that seems offensive and insensitive. I had no clue what the first poster was getting at. The second one made it seem as tho THAT was what he/she meant. There are gays in my family and I love them dearly. I have gay friends and have worked with gays. I would never ‘bash’ any of them, they are family and friends. I fully understand where you are coming from and fully respect that…times 100! Can I still come in here and read what you have written? And that isn’t meant to be snarky, truth. Your place…you can bitch me out anytime I say something that ain’t quite right. ‘Cause I am Blessed to know you, TRUTH!
    *Hope your Made Up Valentines Day didn’t hurt like mine did! Damned Lupus!

    • February 15, 2020 at 4:13 pm
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      Don’t worry about it, Juanita. I wasn’t offended by your comment. No need to apologize.

      I, like you, had no idea what the hell the joke was that I supposedly wrote. Probably because I, like you, am not a 13-year-old boy.

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