I told you last week that I had to have a biopsy on the same day my cat Buffy died. And I’ve decided that waiting to hear about the results of a biopsy is even harder to endure than the pain from the biopsy itself.
And that biopsy hurt like the dickens.
I have never been accused of having the patience of Job.
Or, as Paris Geller once said it on “Gilmore Girls:”
I hate waiting for stuff – especially if I am completely powerless to make the waiting time any shorter.
The doctor told me it would take a week to get the biopsy results.
Despite knowing it has not yet been a week, I can’t understand what the heck is taking so long.
I know. It’s totally irrational.
Upstate sends you emails when they post lab results to your online chart. Which is really pretty convenient. And twice in the last 24 hours I got emails from them. My stomach drops. The blood drains from my face. Then I log on with trepidation and dread. The first time it was a message from my rheumatologist reminding me of my 6-month check-up appointment. The other was a follow-up “tell us about your appointment” message from the doctor who did the biopsy.
Naturally, I responded to both with an exasperated “Come on!!!!”
Now, on the one hand, I don’t want to know what the biopsy shows.
On the other hand, the waiting it driving me completely sack of hammers.
The problem of course is I fill this interminable waiting with the hit parade of “What ifs.”
What if it’s cancer?
What if I have to have chemo?
What if it’s an infection that can’t be treated by the one and only antibiotic I’m not allergic to?
What if it kills me?
And round and round the crazy-making merry-go-round I go.
It’s totally nutty and entirely unproductive. And I know it.
But I’m doing it.
Ordinarily I’m a pretty easy-going, come what may kinda gal. But waiting on the biopsy results has turned that easy-going gal into an anxious, nervous, irritable basket case. I even have a bit of the crazy-eye thing going on here.
On the plus side, I hear anxiety burns a lot of calories. Plus, it’s completely deprived me of anything close to an appetite.
Though, in truth, the helpful weight loss benefit doesn’t make the waiting any easier.
Dianny’s new ebook, RANT: Derangement & Resistance in MAGA Country, is now available for purchase. You can find it at Amazon, Apple iBooks, Barnes & Noble Nook Store, and at Smashwords for only $4.99!
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