Move over, Pocahasbeen. There’s a new Cringe Candidate in town!
I realize Mini Mike Bloomberg is laying out gobs of cash to make himself look cool on Social Media. But it is so not working.
I wondered the other day if perhaps the people paid to transform this diminutive autocrat into a supercool party guy are actually secret supporters of Trump. Because they’re pocketing the Bloombucks and churning out the most awful content in the history of Presidential elections.
Now I think they might just be Warren supporters desperate to turn Mini-Mike into an even bigger Cringe Candidate than the Queen of Cringe herself.
We’ll know I’m right if Liz Warren claims the Bloomberg social media team’s salary as an in-kind donation.
If you thought those lame-ass billboards were bad, just take a gander at Team Bloomberg’s Twitter feed. But do it quickly as the tweets they crank out are so awful, most of them get deleted pretty damn fast.
After Bernie Sanders took Florida out of play by praising Castro, Bloomberg’s Team of Cringe Candidate Creators decided to do a thread of satirical quotes with the hashtag #BernieOnDespots.
I’d embed the tweets, but they got deleted after Team Bloomberg’s crack staff was royally hammered for posting them.
But thanks to Twitchy, we have the texts of their #BernieOnDespots tweets:
“Sure, Idi Amin ate people, but let’s not forget he was responsible for impressive growth in the agriculture sector!” — #BernieOnDespots
“Stalin spurred industrial production throughout the country, but all everyone wants to talk about is putting 14 million people in gulags! Ughh, so annoying!” — #BernieOnDespots
“Look, we all know Bashar al-Assad has committed countless war crimes against his own people, but let’s not forget how he introduced paper recycling to reduce municipal waste! So, when you think about it, he’s really kind of a hero!” — #BernieOnDespots
“Should we really hold Muammar al-Gaddafi’s extrajudicial killings of political opponents against him, when he also built a pretty sweet countrywide irrigation system?!” — #BernieOnDespots
“Who am I to question Kim Jong-un for starving millions of his own people, when he opened a kickass waterpark with over ten slides, a lazy river and a wave machine! What a blast!” — #BernieOnDespots
“Vladimir Putin is willing to poison anyone who disagrees with him, but have you seen how that guy looks without a shirt!! Mmm delish!” — #BernieOnDespots
Now, Twitter is full of stuff like this. You’ll get a hashtag like #AddFartToAMovieTitle, and folks will tweet out the hashtag with stuff like “The Silence of the Fart” or “Fart with the Wind” or “Long Day’s Journey into Fart.” It’s all stupid, mindless, time-wasting fun.
But from a Presidential campaign team for the guy who claims to be the adult in the room who can “get things done,” going with stupid, mindless, time-wasting fun isn’t a good look.
I think posting those Bernie tweets was silly. But deleting them after pushback was even sillier because now Team Bloomberg look like a bunch of nitwits who are incapable of thinking things through.
Or, as I said, they’re deliberately turning Mini-Mike into the New Cringe Candidate because they secretly support someone else.
Either way, the joke is on Bloomberg.
Imagine being hoodwinked into spending all that money only to make yourself look like an even bigger prat than you already are (and that’s the only time I’ll use the word “bigger” to describe Mini-Mike Bloomberg).
I wonder if they still get paid for deleted tweets. Or do they have to give the money back? If so, Mini-Mike must be getting tons of refunds.
If Bloomberg thought paying a team of social media goofballs was going to transform him into a cool or halfway relatable guy, that doesn’t say much for Mini-Mike’s decision-making skills.
It’s as stupid as buying boob-enhancement cream off the Home Shopping Network.
Because he doesn’t look cool.
And he doesn’t look relatable.
If anything, all that money is only making this New Cringe Candidate look like a desperate, incompetent clown.
And if I’m right, and his paid staff is doing it on purpose, then Mission Accomplished, kids!
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