Well, I can see why he mistook them for white guys

The Chicago Police have made an arrest in the racist hate crime against Jussie Smollett.

Well, sure.

I can totally understand how Jussie thought his attackers were two white guys.

I mean look at them.

They’re as white as snow.

I can see their red necks from here.

Okay, no I can’t. They’re wearing sacks on their heads.

But still. Totally look like white guys to me. I think this is what they call “passing.”

In his interview with Robin Roberts on Good Morning America, Jussie lamented over the fact that people didn’t believe he was assaulted by two Trump supporting white guys.

“It feels like if I had said it was a Muslim or a Mexican or someone black,” Jussie told Robin Roberts, “I feel like the doubters would have supported me much more.”

“If I had said.”

You’d think if he actually did get assaulted by two individuals, he would have worded it differently.  For example: “If my attackers were Muslim or Mexican or black.” Or, “If the guys who attacked me were Muslim or Mexican or black.”

But “if I had said it was?”

Wording it that way only makes it sound more made up.

He might as well have said, “Is it more believable if I say they’re Muslim, Mexican or black?”

But no matter.  Turns out they are black.  Black as coal.

And unfortunately, Jussie, that makes me doubt your story even more.

I just checked Robin Roberts’ Twitter feed to see if she has any updates on the story.

Oddly enough, she hasn’t tweeted a single thing all day.

But then again, after the impressive gymnastics she employed to convince GMA audiences that Jussie’s story was totes true, that doesn’t surprise me.

Meanwhile, over at Good Morning America, they’ve reported that the two racist white guys have been arrested.  Strange, though.  They provide no photos of the two.

But they are kind enough to offer a brief recap of Robin Roberts’ interview — including the quote I cited above.

And, of course, they included this:

Late last month, Smollett, who portrays a gay musician on Fox’s “Empire,” told police he was brutally attacked in what authorities are calling a suspected hate crime.

Yeah, “brutally attacked.” So brutally, in fact, Smollett managed to keep hold of his Subway sandwich the whole time these two muscle-bound men (that he personally knows) attacked him.

He said the attackers put a noose around his neck, poured an unknown substance, likely bleach, on him and used their hands, feet and teeth as weapons in the assault, according to police. Smollett said the attackers also yelled “This is MAGA country” during the attack.

Ah, yes.  “This is MAGA country.”  We can’t leave that part out, can we?

Which, given the fact that they are two Nigerians, must stand for Make Africa Great Again.

Good Morning America: Keepin’ the dream alive for hoax crimes everywhere.

UPDATE:

I’ve posted an update to this story HERE.

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21 thoughts on “Well, I can see why he mistook them for white guys

  • February 15, 2019 at 5:34 pm
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    Obviously they ARE two white guys… they just happen to be in black face.. and black body…

    • February 15, 2019 at 5:36 pm
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      That would take a whole case of shoe polish.

  • February 15, 2019 at 6:09 pm
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    “I could swear the two white guys were wearing MAGA hats.”

  • February 15, 2019 at 6:51 pm
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    How can you tell? They are wearing sacks on their heads.

  • February 15, 2019 at 7:13 pm
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    I would have never considered: Nigerian Rednecks

  • February 15, 2019 at 7:51 pm
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    His attackers used their teeth? Better check for bite marks on his pecker then….

  • February 15, 2019 at 8:40 pm
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    It was not a noose.TMZ/ Chicago police report states it was cheep close-line tied in a WINDSOR KNOT.
    So they tied a WINDSOR KNOT around his neck in 30 seconds with gloves on in subzero weather.
    These are supermen……….

  • February 15, 2019 at 11:05 pm
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    So are the attackers are in blackface?

  • February 16, 2019 at 2:13 am
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    gays and blacks are biggest haters on the planet after muslims !

  • February 16, 2019 at 2:17 am
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    ….he only thought they were white guys because it was dark and them steroid head body builders got little peckers 😉

  • February 16, 2019 at 6:44 am
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    Oh say can you see?

  • February 16, 2019 at 8:13 am
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    “Make Africa Great Again” comment was hilarious.

  • February 16, 2019 at 8:35 am
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    authorities have announced there will be no charges against Heckle and Jeckle.Understandable. I mean,it’s not like they were white or anything.

  • February 16, 2019 at 11:04 am
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    Don’t discount the ability of the gay man for holding on to his footlong!

  • February 16, 2019 at 4:16 pm
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    White is a race, so the respectful action would be to capitalize the word White when referring to the race of people and not capitalize when referring to the color. This de-humanizing practice of not capitalizing White, but indeed capitalizing any other proper noun human group/race ie Jewish, Indian, Italian, African, should stop out of basic respect & manners. Stop the hate, capitalize my race please.

    • February 16, 2019 at 4:35 pm
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      How about no? I don’t capitalize black or white because neither are proper nouns. Italian is capitalized because Italy & Italian are a proper nouns. We don’t call people white because they are from a country called White. If you want to capitalize it, be my guest. If you want to be offended because I don’t, hey, it’s a free country. But your being offended matters to me about as much as a June bug in July.

      • February 16, 2019 at 4:50 pm
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        You’re wrong. What country are Jews, Islamic or Catholics from? Yet all proper nouns. Got passive aggression towards White people? Stop the low temperature hate

        • February 16, 2019 at 4:53 pm
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          Is the concept of proper noun versus adjectives really that hard to understand? Black and white are adjectives. I am a white woman (white: adjective; woman: not a proper noun). I am also a white American (white: adjective; American: proper noun). Sheesh. Someone was sleeping in English class.

      • February 17, 2019 at 10:49 am
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        Not a very good story or Author (author is not a proper noun. Sheesh you guys are really bad at this – Dianny) if you have to explain it. Go back to class and learn how to be a journalist

        (Thanks for reading! — Dianny)

  • February 17, 2019 at 12:27 pm
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    That’s what I thought. He hung onto his sammmich????? And then they put the rope around his neck & splashed bleach on him?

    The flyin’ fruitcake should be arrested for false claims AND made to reimburse the police department for costs. Of course, that won’t happen ‘cos he be black.

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