Behind the Scenes: WH Vaccine strategy meeting

Behind the Scenes: WH Vaccine strategy meeting

BREAKING from the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service. Faced with vaccine skepticism among Americans, the White House held a strategy meeting in the Oval Office this weekend to discuss options on how to target citizens unwilling to take the COVID vaccine.

Thanks to an anonymous source, the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service obtained a recording of the Oval Office meeting. The transcript follows.

Ron Klain
Okay, people. We need some ideas here. Despite our best
efforts, to get everyone jabbed–

Dr. Fauci
Call it “The Fauci Ouchy.”

Ron Klain
Right. Anyway. There are still a number of people who
are refusing the vaccine.

President Biden
What vaccine?

Ron Klain
The COVID vaccine, Mr. President.

President Biden
Oh! Right! (pause) What’s COVID?

Ron Klain
Anyhow. Does anybody have suggestions on how to
increase participation?

Kamala Harris
It’s those dumb white Trump supporters that are the
problem. Those Q-Anon people.

Jen Psaki
From the South. You know, those people.

Unidentified Staffer
Actually, the percentage of minorities who are refusing to
take the vaccine is about the same–

Ron Klain
Who said that?!

(Pause)

Unidentified Staffer
I did, sir.

Ron Klain
You’re fired. Clear out your desk and get out.
(sounds of someone getting up)
And have the Secret Service escort him out of here.

Jen Psaki
I suggest we run PSAs during programs these people watch.
You know, NASCAR, or maybe “The Deadliest Catch” and
Country Music TV.

President Biden
Hee-Haw!

Ron Klain
What was that, Mr. President?

President Biden
Run them during Hee-Haw! Those people love Hee-Haw!

Jen Psaki
It’s off the air, Mr. President.

Dr. Fauci
I just don’t understand why anyone would be reticent to
take the vaccine. Maybe if I go on more news shows and
promote it? I don’t mind. I’m more than happy to do it.

Unidentified Staffer #2
Maybe we can start telling people that after they’re fully
vaccinated, they can go back to their normal lives.

Several People
NO!

Ron Klain
Who said that?!

Unidentified Staffer #2
I did. Is there a problem?

Dr. Fauci
Are you out of your mind?!

Unidentified Staffer #2
I’m sorry, but it seems to me we’re partially to blame for
people refusing to take the vaccine. I mean, we’re telling
them nothing will change! We’re telling them even with
the vaccine, they have to follow all the same rules as
before. Don’t you think–

Ron Klain
Get out. Now. Pack up your desk. (Pause) Why are you still
here? Get out! You’re fired!

(sounds of someone leaving)

President Biden
What ever happened to Buck Owens? Or Minnie Pearl.
Remember Minnie Pearl? All those pretty girls rolling in
the hay bales. I bet their hair smelled great!

Kamala Harris
Are we done? I have a personal shopper coming by in
fifteen minutes and I have to give her the pictures I cut out
from Vogue and Elle.

Jen Psaki
Wait. Before Vice President Harris leaves, can we real quick
circle back to the border? I’m still getting questions about
why you haven’t visited the border.

Kamala Harris
Better you than me! (Cackling laughter) Now, I gotta go.

President Biden
And Roy Clark. Remember him? Whatever happened to Roy?

Ron Klain
Okay, look, Jen. Forget the border. Nobody cares about the
border, okay? Let’s focus on getting these Trump voters in
line. Okay? I like the idea of running PSAs during NASCAR and
on Country Music TV.

President Biden
And Hee-Haw! Don’t forget Hee-Haw!

Dr. Fauci
And me! Don’t forget letting me go on cable news. It’s a
sacrifice for me, I know. But I am more than happy to step
up and do the work.

President Biden
Tony, you should go on Hee-Haw! Wear jeans, and a flannel
shirt with a matching flannel mask. That would do it!

Ron Klain
We’ve covered enough for now. Look, can someone go make
sure those two idiots have cleared out their desks?

Keep up on all the latest from the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service HERE.

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4 thoughts on “Behind the Scenes: WH Vaccine strategy meeting

  • April 13, 2021 at 9:50 am
    Permalink

    Probably closer to the truth than we want to admit.

  • April 13, 2021 at 11:30 am
    Permalink

    I’ve been singing Hee-Haw since the election:

    Gloom, despair, and agony on me.
    Deep, dark depression, excessive misery.
    If it weren’t for bad luck,
    I’d have no luck at all.
    Gloom, despair, and agony on me.

  • April 14, 2021 at 7:20 am
    Permalink

    Racist and classist photo implying white ,rural Americans are as stupid as Biden and co.

    • April 14, 2021 at 8:14 am
      Permalink

      Or, and just stick with me here, I chose the Hee Haw picture because Joe keeps referring to Hee Haw, while simultaneously getting readers to wonder why the hell I used a picture of Hee Haw. Good grief honey. Don’t be such a big girl’s blouse.

Comments are closed.