Since LaptopGate broke, all of America has been wondering where Hunter Biden is hiding.
Now thanks to the tireless efforts of our brave investigative team here at the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service, the mystery of Hunter Biden’s whereabouts appears to be solved.
According to our sources on the ground, Hunter was spotted near the town of Corleone in Sicily.
“He walks in the hills a lot,” a tavern owner named Vitelli told us. “But he’s never alone. My daughter Apollonia saw him with two bodyguards armed with lupara.”
We asked Mr. Vitelli if he is certain this mysterious man is, in fact, Joe Biden’s wayward son. But Vitelli said the stranger never identified himself.
“He is not Sicilian. That I know.” Vitelli said with confidence. “Not with those occhi blu.”
We wanted Mr. Vitelli to allow us to speak with his daughter to confirm her story. However, upon making this request, Mr. Vitelli went back inside his tavern and returned with his two rather large, burly sons.
We did not pursue it further.
But armed with the information we already had, our Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service photographer camped out in the hills outside of Corleone. And the very next day, this mysterious man and his bodyguards appeared.
As a result, we now have a photographic record of the blue-eyed stranger we believe is Hunter Biden.
We have not as yet established beyond question that this man is Hunter Biden. However, to our untrained eye, he certainly bears a striking resemblance to the former Vice President’s son.
And later that same day, our photographer followed this man and his two armed bodyguards into the town of Corleone itself where he captured this photo of them drinking in the outdoor café at Vitelli’s establishment.
This man who looks like Hunter, along with his two bodyguards, then headed back into the hills and, a couple hours later, arrived at a remote villa.
The villa is surrounded by a twelve foot stone wall and was too heavily guarded for our photographer to enter.
However, after climbing a tree outside of the wall, our photographer was able to capture this picture using a telephoto lens.
Did the former Vice President send Hunter away until the heat cooled down?
Who is protecting him in Sicily and what particular favors did they extract from the Biden Patriarch in exchange for sheltering his wastrel son?
We may never know.
You can catch up on all the explosive news stories from the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service HERE.
We’re wildly inaccurate, but not CNN inaccurate.
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