From the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service: In an effort to be inclusionary, toy maker Hasbro will be changing its name to Has-Sibling in the coming months.
“We believe in combatting transphobia wherever it might be lurking,” a Hasbro spokesperson explained after dutifully providing us with xis preferred pronouns.
“Bro is cis-gendered and exclusionary. We all know that. And we could not in good conscience hurl this transphobic word in the faces of children.”
Hasbro disputed yesterday’s report that they would be stripping Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head of their genders. But the story, while inaccurate, did prompt the 98-year-old company to do some soul-searching over its own intrinsic transphobic identity.
“Sure, Hasbro is just a shortening of Hassenfeld Brothers,” the spokesperson explained. “But ‘brother’ is problematic. Had the Hassenfelds understood the harmful hate speech inherent in the word ‘Brothers’ back in 1923, we are certain they would have called the company Hassenfeld Siblings.”
The Hasbro spokesperson went on to call the company name a “slap in the face” to those young children whose parents decided their identities are fluid.
“Besides, it isn’t the first time we changed our name,” the spokesperson said. “We went from Hassenfeld Brothers to Hasbro in 1968. I doubt changing to Has-Sibling will make any waves.”
When asked about problematic toys like “Action Man” or “G.I. Joe,” the Hasbro spokesperson skirted the issue entirely and pointed out the gender neutral “Hungry, Hungry Hippos.”
“Though, to be fair,” the spokesperson conceded, “We are concerned that ‘Hungry, Hungry Hippos’ might be considered fat shaming. So we’ve created a fat-positivity panel to review this.”
The first game to be released under the new “Has-Sibling” name will be a modernized version of their classic game “Operation” called “Transition” – where players attempt to remove problematic genitalia from a cartoon cis male without making his nose light up.
“It’s a work in progress,” the spokesperson explained.
The Has-Sibling name change is set to take effect on April 1, 2021.
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