Dear DNAbby

Dear DNAbby

Hey, you young people!  Need some hep, cool advice? Let Dear DNAbby answer your questions.

Dear DNAbby,
My roommate agreed that I could adopt a dog.
But now she’s decided against it. How can I
change her mind?
Signed Pet Lover in Cincy

Dear Pet Lover,
Tell your roommate not to be an Indian giver.

Dear DNAbby,
My boyfriend ghosted me.  What should I do?
Signed hurting in Baltimore

Dear Hurting in Baltimore,
Dump him!

Good grief.  You can almost smell the stink of desperation from here.

At this point, I’m looking back at that beer-drinking Instagram video and thinking to myself, “How charming and understated.”

Just how bad are things going for Elizabeth Warren’s campaign that she’s resorting to playing advice columnist?

And not a particularly good advice columnist.

If Liz really wants a career in giving advice, it might behoove her to learn what “ghosting” someone means.

How exactly do you dump someone who’s already dumped you?

Quick! Someone get Dear DNAbby a “Septuagenarian to Millennial Dictionary.”

It’s as if Warren is determined to prove Jesse Kelly right and make her 2020 run the biggest Campaign of Cringe in the history of the universe.

I mean, how else do you explain this?

Aaand then it rained.

You know what I R*E*S*P*E*C*T?

A presidential candidate who is authentic.

This isn’t the first awkward embarrassing Liz Dancing video.  And I’m certain it won’t be the last.

Listen, I get it.  Liz is desperate to horn in on Bernie’s millennial support.

But pretending you’re “hep and with-it” when you’re about as “hep and with-it” as the bitter, angry teacher who gave out detention to anyone who slouched during class? Well, that ain’t the way to go.

Liz may want to come off as the cool aunt whom the kids all love.

But in reality she comes off more like the spinster cat-lady aunt whose living room furniture is covered in plastic.

Bernie doesn’t need to resort to embarrassing “Hello, fellow kids!” stunts.  These know-nothing socialism-curious young people flock to him despite the fact that he’s a bellowing, cantankerous curmudgeon.

In other words, they love Bernie just as he is.

But I guess for Dear DNAbby the Awkward Dancer, the option to simply be herself isn’t even on the table.

Which is too bad for Liz. Because her efforts to “relate” only make her look silly and desperate.

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5 thoughts on “Dear DNAbby

  • January 9, 2020 at 12:46 pm

    That’s Lizzie doing Kate McKinnon doing Lizzie.

    • January 10, 2020 at 5:56 pm

      Well, I will never get those seconds back and I may never be able to clear that embarrassment from Warren from my brian.


  • January 9, 2020 at 4:35 pm

    Perhaps this wanna-be tyrant with a fake indian feather-in-her-cap should spend less time dancing and more time reading the 10th amendment (those powers not expressly authorized to the United States government are reserved to the states or the people). Ole unedumacated Liz went on Morning Joe and told him that when she’s elected, by 2028 new house or new building will HAVE TO BE carbon neutral.

    Every time she opens her mouth I thank God she will never be in control of any meaningful levers of power. I wouldn’t let this scold dogsit for me for an afternoon, let alone run anything grander than a bake-sale.

  • January 10, 2020 at 12:44 pm

    Regarding “the Bern”, there was that batting video he put out after his heart attack

Comments are closed.