Dear First Lady: The 80s called; it wants its fashion back

Say, remember when we had a fashionable, beautiful, elegant First Lady?

First Lady Ink Blot

Whoops.

No, not the First Lady who walked around wearing a Rorchach Test on LSD.

I mean this one:

First Lady Melania

I’m sure you remember how the media ignored First Lady Melania’s fashion sense – well, except when she walked out of the White House wearing stilettos on her way to Houston.

But for the most part, despite the fact that our First Lady was a former fashion model, the media pretended Melania was a frumpy non-entity. Which, as you recall, was not the treatment the frumpy Michelle received.

Michelle could venture out dressed in sofa upholstery, and the media gushed like overindulgent pageant moms.

Well, there’s a Democrat First Lady again, so every stitch of clothing Jill slaps on will inspire truly cringe-worthy reactions from the media.

The other day, Jill deplaned Air Force One in what can only be described as a cast-off from the Madonna 80s collection.

Liver-spotted Madonna

Whoops! Wrong image.

I don’t know why I keep posting the wrong pictures.

Here’s the right one:

April Ryan sniffs First Lady Jill's throne

How’s that throne smell, April?

Did your stomach do a whirl at the use of “Leather and Lace” in relation to Jill Biden?

Not only did my stomach whirl, but it also prompted a frightening mental image of Joe dressed like Boy George and trussed up in leather restraints with a ball gag in his mouth.

(And now you’re stuck with that mental image too)

“Sophisticated sexiness.” I mean, come on. Nobody on Planet Earth has that much willing suspension of disbelief.

Jill is turning seventy this year. No matter what April Ryan might think, Leather, Lace and Liver-Spots are not a good combination.

I said back in January that, unlike Michelle who had the spotlight all to herself, First Lady Jill is going to have to share the spotlight with “historic” Kamala. The media will be forced to divide its time between “Oh, look! Kamala’s wearing her sneakers” and “Oh, look! Jill raided Madonna’s old wardrobe!”

Okay, they probably won’t say that.

They’ll say cringe-inducing crap like what April tweeted.

If I had to guess, I’d say Jill having to share the spotlight with Kamala has resulted in her taking drastic action to get noticed. Because I can’t think of another reason a woman her age would dress like a Pussycat Doll.

Madonna might want to comb through her closet and see if any of her other costumes from the 80s are missing. And if they are, she can probably find them at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Update:

You can blame Karen down in the comments section for this one.

First Lady Cindy Lauper

Update 2:

A special shout out to the crack fact-checking team at USA Today for noodling out that the Dianny Image of Jill dressed as Madonna is “altered.” This is even funnier than when one of my images got fact-checked by Snopes. Let me spare you the shoe leather by admitting that the Jill as Cindy Lauper one is “altered” too.

Boy, wait till they discover the Harris-Biden Gallery of the Dianny Image Vault or the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service. They’ll be busy for weeks.

Update 3:

Just for fun, I decided to fact-check the fact-check. Okay, not really. I just decided to have a little fun with it. You can see it HERE.

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18 thoughts on “Dear First Lady: The 80s called; it wants its fashion back

  • April 5, 2021 at 10:23 am
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    Didja have to post that picture of Mike and Barry? I was looking forward to a nice breakfast and now I just don’t feel like eating.

  • April 5, 2021 at 10:36 am
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    My first thought was: OK, now we’ve got Cyndi Lauper for a ‘first lady’. UGH.

    • April 5, 2021 at 11:15 am
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      Hmmm. Interesting thought…

  • April 5, 2021 at 10:48 am
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    A little bleach in the eyes, several good blows to the head, and perhaps the images of Big Mike and the good doctor will fade into obscurity.

  • April 5, 2021 at 11:17 am
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    She loves her style?
    Well, when it comes from that bloated little pig April Ryan, I guess you’d have to consider the source.

    • April 6, 2021 at 5:07 pm
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      How dare you call Miss Piggy “bloated!! She’s a full blown & grown SOW!!
      umm umm umm LIFE-TIME SUPPLY OF BLT’s!!!
      The BESTEST First Lady of age and grace is & always will be, Ms Fancy Nancy Reagan!
      Dianny,
      High Five’s and a big ol’ GOOD’N! ~again!

  • April 5, 2021 at 11:42 am
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    What fashion? She’s way too old to even attempt whatever look it is she’s trying for. I thought she looked more like a 1970’s hooker in Times Square.

  • April 5, 2021 at 12:45 pm
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    (Dr.) Jill Biden reminds me of a blonde haired Alice Cooper in drag, especially when she wears heavy black eye makeup. Paste Alice Cooper’s face on the above picture and BINGO! (I do not mean to insult Alice Cooper, I am a big fan of him and his daughter).

  • April 5, 2021 at 12:58 pm
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    I am trying to decide if the stupid mask mitigates or compounds the ridiculousness. Maybe if it was full face. Anyway, why the mask? Isn’t she vaccinated?

  • April 5, 2021 at 1:48 pm
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    Sadly the next pictures of her will be in Cher’s “Turn Back Time” outfit.

    • April 8, 2021 at 5:08 pm
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      OH, please NO!!!

  • April 5, 2021 at 2:02 pm
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    Dianny, what with all of these fashion ideas (REQUESTS) a pouring in, you have your work cut out for you. There are literally thousands of options to choose from out there. I’m thinking a book of possibilities, without even going into the whole Furries Thing.

  • April 5, 2021 at 2:25 pm
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    Instead of Leather & Lace, the term “barfly” comes to mind.

    • April 6, 2021 at 9:54 pm
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      Barf Fly. 😀

  • April 7, 2021 at 6:23 am
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    Shelly O in the Walmart dress and old lady sandals and Doc Jill dressed like a Madonna in hooker stockings and dominatrix skirt just after pretending to be a flight attendant named Jasmine.
    Next Hillary will be wearing sneakers with her pant suits like Kommiela.

    I miss Melania.

  • April 7, 2021 at 5:10 pm
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    “Not only did my stomach whirl, but it also prompted a frightening mental image of Joe dressed like Boy George and trussed up in leather restraints with a ball gag in his mouth.”

    Where do I send the bill to clean spaghetti sauce off my monitor, keyboard, mouse and desk?🤣

    • April 7, 2021 at 5:25 pm
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      You really shouldn’t eat at your desk. 😉

  • April 8, 2021 at 9:34 am
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    The Dunning-Kruger Effect runs strong in the entire Biden family.

Comments are closed.