Dear First Lady: The 80s called; it wants its fashion back

Say, remember when we had a fashionable, beautiful, elegant First Lady?

Whoops.

No, not the First Lady who walked around wearing a Rorchach Test on LSD.

I mean this one:

I’m sure you remember how the media ignored First Lady Melania’s fashion sense – well, except when she walked out of the White House wearing stilettos on her way to Houston.

But for the most part, despite the fact that our First Lady was a former fashion model, the media pretended Melania was a frumpy non-entity. Which, as you recall, was not the treatment the frumpy Michelle received.

Michelle could venture out dressed in sofa upholstery, and the media gushed like overindulgent pageant moms.

Well, there’s a Democrat First Lady again, so every stitch of clothing Jill slaps on will inspire truly cringe-worthy reactions from the media.

The other day, Jill deplaned Air Force One in what can only be described as a cast-off from the Madonna 80s collection.

Whoops! Wrong image.

I don’t know why I keep posting the wrong pictures.

Here’s the right one:

How’s that throne smell, April?

Did your stomach do a whirl at the use of “Leather and Lace” in relation to Jill Biden?

Not only did my stomach whirl, but it also prompted a frightening mental image of Joe dressed like Boy George and trussed up in leather restraints with a ball gag in his mouth.

(And now you’re stuck with that mental image too)

“Sophisticated sexiness.” I mean, come on. Nobody on Planet Earth has that much willing suspension of disbelief.

Jill is turning seventy this year. No matter what April Ryan might think, Leather, Lace and Liver-Spots are not a good combination.

I said back in January that, unlike Michelle who had the spotlight all to herself, First Lady Jill is going to have to share the spotlight with “historic” Kamala. The media will be forced to divide its time between “Oh, look! Kamala’s wearing her sneakers” and “Oh, look! Jill raided Madonna’s old wardrobe!”

Okay, they probably won’t say that.

They’ll say cringe-inducing crap like what April tweeted.

If I had to guess, I’d say Jill having to share the spotlight with Kamala has resulted in her taking drastic action to get noticed. Because I can’t think of another reason a woman her age would dress like a Pussycat Doll.

Madonna might want to comb through her closet and see if any of her other costumes from the 80s are missing. And if they are, she can probably find them at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Update:

You can blame Karen down in the comments section for this one.

Update 2:

A special shout out to the crack fact-checking team at USA Today for noodling out that the Dianny Image of Jill dressed as Madonna is “altered.” This is even funnier than when one of my images got fact-checked by Snopes. Let me spare you the shoe leather by admitting that the Jill as Cindy Lauper one is “altered” too.

Boy, wait till they discover the Harris-Biden Gallery of the Dianny Image Vault or the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service. They’ll be busy for weeks.

Update 3:

Just for fun, I decided to fact-check the fact-check. Okay, not really. I just decided to have a little fun with it. You can see it HERE.
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