EXCLUSIVE: Cheat Sheets are nothing new for Joe
Much was made over the cheat sheets Joe Biden used to keep track of the various reporters during his first solo press conference yesterday. But the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service can confirm that the use of cheat sheets are common practice for Joe Biden.
In fact, a source close to the Biden family confirms that Joe is issued cheat sheets for everything – from keeping track of family to knowing how to dress.
“The whole house is filled with these cheat sheets,” our source explained. “Honestly I don’t know why the White House is using mailing labels. They used to use those at the Biden house, but Joe kept getting them stuck to his fingers. So now the cheat sheets are printed out on card stock.”
They went to the additional length of laminating them after Jill discovered Joe was nibbling on the corners of the cards.
“I figure it won’t be long before the White House will realize sticky labels aren’t the way to go,” our source added.
At great personal risk to his or her own safety, our source smuggled several of these cheat sheets out of the Bidens’ Delaware mansion and delivered them to the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service.
Here is your exclusive look at these cheat sheets.
Page One of the “Biden Family” cheat sheet:
Our source explains that every family member (except one particular grandchild in Arkansas) has his or her own identifying card.
Page one of “Biden Dressing Guide:”
Page one of “Biden’s Favorite Programs” cheat sheet:
The source confirms the existence of several additional cheat sheets including:
• “Brushing Your Teeth”
This cheat sheet was created to prevent Joe from eating the toothpaste like squeeze cheese.
• “Showering”
In order to prevent Joe from running naked after the dog, this cheat sheet was added in late 2020.
Finally, there is an extensive, detailed map of the Biden House to prevent Joe from getting lost. Originally, according to our source, this map folded like a typical road map for easy storage. But after Joe became increasingly frustrated in his attempts to refold it, they created over a dozen new, laminated maps that are mounted to the wall of every room, stairway and hallway.
“Each and every one of those includes the requisite ‘You Are Here’ circle for Joe’s convenience,” our source explained. “Though we had to swap out the generic circles with round pictures of Joe because he didn’t know the ‘you’ in ‘You Are Here’ was referring to him.”
When asked, our source would not confirm or deny whether similar maps are currently used in the White House.
Catch up on all the exclusive reporting from the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service HERE.
The Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service: Wildly inaccurate, but not CNN inaccurate.
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When the truth is so weird, parody becomes very hard to tell from the news. This all looks very possible in today’s world.
The AP has reported that the next scheduled press conference has been cancelled because “I don’t know” Joe couldn’t locate his cheat sheets (or his ass with both hands, for that matter). Apparently, after biting a secret service agent, Major ate Joe’s homework.
The entire world is laughing at us, BUT, the Drudge Report thinks Joey Fingers did just fine.
There was a Broadway show years ago called “Stop the World I Want to Get Off”. That’s exactly how I feel.
God help our country!
I’m hoping for a REAL alien invasion! All those people who have been ‘taken’ by aliens did it WRONG! They came back!!!
You let ’em take me! I will become the modern version of “The Ransom of the Red Chief”! Those pesky alien body snatchers will have to give me the Cure for Liberalism to start, THEN act like my own Magic Genie!
“… Wildly inaccurate, but not CNN inaccurate.” 😂😂
Thanks for the evening mirth!
Sadly, you are probably right about cheat sheets all over the WH and his home in Delaware. As a speech therapist, I have made these for clients and taught families of people with memory issues and declining language skills (like seen in Alzheimer’s) how to make memory and communication aids and books. We used to put these cue cards on small card stock with a key ring, that then could be put in a pocket for quick reference. Now these memory aids can be placed on phones/tablets using various apps, so that the client looks as if they are checking their phone. They can refer to pictures of their grandchildren that have names clearly printed on them for reference when talking to them, or follow the sequence of dressing/ eating/ bathing. His staff needs to hire a speech therapist to assist with this. It would have been much less obvious if they had put the pictures and seating chart of reporters on a tablet, rather than a folded paper for all to see. Anyway, he will soon be gone, and then we will have to contend with Cackles Kommie, who rather than suffering from a declining mental state is just plain old dumb.