EXCLUSIVE: Zika Strikes Democrat Leaders

Zika Strikes Democrat Leaders

Exclusive report from the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service roving correspondent Disloyal Subject.

The dreaded, mosquito-born Zika Virus has struck in Washington, DC and doctors are baffled.

Unlike the defects associated among normal humans, Democrats stricken with the virus appear to react differently to the disease. While their entire bodies have become grossly deformed, their heads remain the exact same size.

“Frankly, we’re stunned,” says an infectious diseases doctor from the CDC. “Our only working theory right now is Zika has no effect on the size of the human head if that human head contains no functioning brain.”

Doctors from the CDC are urging citizens not to mate with Zika-infected Democrats in Washington.

“Honestly, we just don’t know what kind of birth defects would be caused as a result,” the CDC doctor said. “Better to practice abstinence than to find out. In fact, it might be wise to avoid co-mingling with any Democrats just to be on the safe side.”

Zika Strikes Democrat Leaders

Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service

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One thought on “EXCLUSIVE: Zika Strikes Democrat Leaders

  • February 21, 2016 at 2:06 pm

    There were giants roaming the earth who thought themselves all powerfull, and beyond the laws of the land. But, We the People knew them as: “They who polish thier pooooop.” We laughed at them for being so foolish. For they claimed we could pick up thier poop by grasping the highly polished “clean” end, and not get our hands dirty. Some People fell for this lie, and dropped into the giant’s pitt. But, We the People were not fooled, and we refused to play with them. Thier hands became nasty, just like the giants. We would not fall into the pitt.

    So the giants elected to dress up thier polished poop with glitter, and lipstick to further trick us. More of the People were enammered by the glittery turds. They fell for the ruse. For the most part, they were not stupid people. They were just tired of searching for the real truth. They settled for partial truths, and total falsehoods disguised as truths. They picked up the glittery turds because it was a popular thing to do. Now let it be known, that some were severely disappointed in thier decisions, and immediately rejected the filth they had accepted. They threw down the poo, and ran far away, never to be seen again, thus avouiding the giant’s pitt. Those who had accepted the filth in thier hands could be seen, down in the pitt, holding the poop up and proclaiming “it wasn’t really all that bad.” These fools would lash out with loud profanities, and violence at anyone who tried to tell them the truth. They became the slaves of the giants, and were also mocked by We the People.

    The giants were very progressive, and desired total control over all aspects of the slave’s daily lives. The giants were not good people, they were exceedingly evil, clever, decietful and patient. They would constantly set new traps to ensnare We the People. They were able to trap many of us with false advertisements, fear mongering with tales of exotic diseases, vulgar performances at major sporting events, shiny displays, loud music, and hypnotic pontifications on the utopian dreams of thier fathers. It seemed at times there were only a few of We the People left in the world to pull the wagon of reality through the muck. Doubts sometimes weighed heavily upon our minds, and our supplies of vitamin Jack ran low. But we were determined to persevere these perilous trials.

    Everyone was tired, for we worked hard to provide for our families. We were thankful for our faith that there was truth, and justice somewhere out there. We knew that the giants were wrong, and we searched for qualified leaders to help us defeat the evil poop polishers. Then we found Patriot Retort, and the home of the ever wise if not “Wildly Innacurate Dianny’s News Service.” It was a blessing for sure, yawl! For without this calculated and measured source of true wit we would have surely lost all grip of reality, and fallen prey to the evil entrapments of the giants who had glitter, lipstick, and smelly poop on thier hands. So boys, and girls hit the tip jar! Let us help keep this thing going. THE END!

    Thanks again Dianny.

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