Lord, spare me the insufferable piety of faux earnest celebrities. Never in the history of the universe has there been a class of people so completely detached from reality.
In response to the in-custody death of George Floyd, a group of these well-meaning do-gooders have released the most unintentionally hilarious video ever decrying their white privilege and pledging to take responsibility.
This isn’t to be mistaken for the video in 2009 when faux earnest celebrities vowed to pledge their support to Obama so he wouldn’t feel like he was all by himself.
Or the video where faux earnest celebrities pledged to defeat Donald Trump and reminded us hoi polloi that we are just as important as they are.
Or the video where faux earnest celebrities begged Donald Trump’s electors to #UniteForAmerica and not cast their electoral votes for Trump.
Is anybody else getting sick and tired of these guys hectoring us?
I, for one, have never found myself thinking, “Wow, this overblown, media-hyped event has just happened and I simply don’t know how I feel about it. I sure hope Debra Messing or Kristin Bell can give me some guidance.”
One of the best suggestions I ever got was “Before you give someone advice, ask yourself, ‘Hello, Dianny? Did he ask?’”
Well, nobody asked, you narcissistic assholes.
If you haven’t seen this latest exercise in self-gratification disguised as civic activism, I’ve dutifully embedded.
I’ll give you the same challenge Matt Walsh gave his Twitter followers: See how many seconds you can endure before the crippling cringing forces you to turn it off.
Good grief. Are these idiots describing America or Rwanda?
Have they ever visited the United States?
From the way they talk, you’d think roving bands of police are indiscriminately slaughtering black people for sport.
This might come as a galloping shock to them, but the only people systematically killing black people are … other black people. And I doubt they’re doing it because of “every not-so-funny joke.”
Believe it or not, I suffered through to the end – but mostly because the faux earnestness was so hilariously funny, I couldn’t stop watching it.
And what’s with the oversized glasses on that one woman’s face? Was that supposed to make me think she’s super smart? Or was she playing the role of S.E. Cupp in this exercise in self-gratification?
Someone actually made the executive decision to film it in black and white, no doubt to somehow convey to us gap-toothed rubes just how serious they are.
The funniest part for me is the fact that despite their faux earnestness, every single one of these chuds is reading off a script. If you watch it again (with the sound down – I’m not a Sadist), you can see their eyes scanning either cue cards or a teleprompter.
Because nothing says, “I’m speaking from the heart” quite like having to read from a script – a script no doubt team-written under the guidance of a public relations firm.
One thing is certain. Clearly in Hollywood, unlike the rest of the country, racism is systemic. Why else are only white actors appearing in this painfully awful video?
Then again, maybe any black actors they approached laughed their asses off and said, “Are you kidding with this?!”
No, I won’t call it a public service announcement because there is not one thing about it that is in service to the public. I mean other than giving us another reminder that Hollywood celebrities are the most narcissistic, navel-gazing, sanctimonious fools ever.
And hey. We got that memo years ago.
I eagerly look forward to Carpe Donktum doing a parody public service announcement about the plague of White Guilt spreading through Malibu.
“Only you can prevent White Guilt.”
As I said one of the previous times faux earnest celebrities released a sanctimonious video lecturing us, Hollywood is like seventeenth century Japan. It is an entirely closed society with zero contact with the outside world. Which probably explains why these fools seem to believe America is Rwanda.
They have no idea just how foolish we think they are.
This video makes that clear, doesn’t it?
Only in this modern closed society could a band of moronic weirdos actually believe that they are somehow contributing to the common good by staring into a camera and reading from a script.
If these guys were sincere, not one of them would need to read pre-written remarks. But they’re not sincere.
This video isn’t about racism or police killing blacks.
It’s all about them.
Like a high school senior volunteering at a soup kitchen, faux earnest videos posing as civic engagement is Hollywood’s version of resume-packing.
It is entirely a publicist-driven exercise in self-promotion.
They aren’t doing this to “raise awareness” about “systemic racism.” They’re doing this to raise their own public profiles.
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