According to this exclusive report from the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service, Democrat frontrunner Hillary Clinton has been pestering her daughter and husband Marc Mezvinsky to “get busy” and churn out another newborn campaign prop just in time for the November 2016 election.
Though one-year-old Charlotte is useful to the Clinton Campaign by way of still photographs and teary mentions on the stump, by the fall of 2016, she will be in the throes of the “terrible twos.” And a 2-year-old toddler will be far too unpredictable and uncontrollable for public appearances during the general election.
In an effort to ensure that she has a grandchild to cradle in her arms in the final push to 2016, the former Miss Rodham has been doggedly keeping after her daughter to squirt out another bundle of joy.
Apparently, the Hillary Campaign was eager to have a newborn grandchild Hillary could lovingly cradle in her arms at the National Convention in July. With each passing day and time no longer on their side, they were abandoning that plan and hoping, at the very least, Chelsea would provide them with the necessary baby for the fall 2016 campaign season.
The Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service was fortunate enough to obtain this screen capture of Hillary Clinton’s phone from earlier this fall showing Clinton’s near-desperation for a bouncing baby campaign prop.
Well, good news for Granny Clinton.
Or should I say, Abuela Clinton?
Her constant harassment of her daughter and son-in-law paid off!
Chelsea announced on Monday that she and Marc finally came through — not in enough time for the Philadelphia Convention, but in plenty of time for the final push to November.
Next summer, Charlotte is going to be a big sister! Feeling very blessed & grateful this holiday season. pic.twitter.com/gpCGqcmeCq
— Chelsea Clinton (@ChelseaClinton) December 21, 2015
No word as yet on whether Chelsea gets a bonus from the Clinton 2016 Campaign for providing Abuela Hillary the perfect campaign prop.
In preparation for the blessed event, Hillary has been busy rehearsing for the role of abuela.
According to an anonymous source within the Clinton Camp (who has threatened to murder me in my sleep if I reveal her … er, um, that is … his or her name), Hillary has hired an Hispanic grandmother of nineteen from Harlem to show her how to appear like a doting and loving abuela while the cameras roll.
“We were using one of this lady’s grandchildren as the stand-in,” said my source. “But since Secretary Clinton kept losing her temper and swearing, we feared for the child’s safety and switched the live baby out for a cabbage-patch doll we bought at a Salvation Army.”
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