I just love the Jussie Smollett Story

I just love the Jussie Smollett Story

Okay, I admit it. It’s so much fun having Jussie Smollett back in the news.

The Jussie Smollett Hate Crime Hoax is hands down my favorite story from 2019, and not just because I got a hell of a lot of mileage out of it.

I don’t know what tickled me more, really. That I knew the instant it happened Jussie Smollett was lying through his teeth, or that the media and Democrat politicians made utter clowns of themselves falling for it.

Remember his interview on Good Morning America? Oh, man, was that great!

Every time I thought the story couldn’t get any funnier, it just kept getting funnier.

Like when we finally got a look at the two Trump-supporting white supremacists who “attacked” Jussie.

Then we found out Jussie paid them using a check. I howled laughing when I learned that.

Then I made a check:

Jussie Smollett Check

wrote at the time, “Jussie Smollett’s Great MAGA Hate Crime caper makes Jerry Lundergaard and his idiot kidnappers from ‘Fargo’ look like criminal masterminds.”

How anyone fell for this ridiculous story is a mystery to me.

And when it all came apart at the seams, nobody was more disillusioned than Alyssa Milano.

Ah, God love her; she’s so dumb.

Anyroad.

Jussie Smollett is back in the news because his trial began this week. And on Wednesday, one of the Nigerian brothers Jussie paid to beat him up testified that the dopey actor thought staging a hate crime would help boost his career.

Abimbola Osundairo told the jurors that Jussie asked him and his brother to “fake beat him up,” and Osundairo agreed to go along with the clownish plan because he felt like he owed it to good old Jussie. After all, Osundairo felt indebted to Smollett because “he also got me a stand-in role on ‘Empire.’” Abimbola thought Jussie may further help his acting career if he agreed to accept the role of White Supremacist MAGA Guy #1 in Jussie’s silly production.

Can you believe Jussie found someone dumber than he is?

Jussie even wrote the script for this theater of the absurd, instructing Abimbola and his brother to shout “Empire, faggot, nigger, MAGA.”

Actually, Jussie was both script-writer and director for the production. According to Osundairo’s testimony, Jussie blocked out every detail of his sub-zero street theater.

“He wanted me to punch him but he wanted me to pull the punch so I didn’t hurt him and then he wanted me to tussle him and throw him to the ground and give him a bruise. Then he wanted it to look like he was fighting back, so I was supposed to give him a chance to fight back and then eventually throw him to the ground and my brother would tie the noose around his neck and pour bleach on him.”

For crying out loud, they even ran a dress rehearsal!

Yup, it is still getting funnier.

But wait! There’s more!

It looks like Jussie Smollett hired a lawyer who is just as eager to play the victim as he was.

On Thursday, his defense lawyer Tamara Walker claimed the judge in the case “physically lunged” at her when she offered a motion for a mistrial during a meeting in the judge’s chambers.

Don’t tell me. He also shouted “This is MAGA Country” when he did it.

According to the New York Post, during cross-examination of Osundairo, Walker “appeared close to tears as she argued with the judge.” But she kept hold of her Subway sandwich the whole time. Okay, I made that part up.

How much you wanna bet Robin Roberts will be interviewing Tamara Walker on “Good Morning America” next Monday?

Last night, Tucker Carlson invited my favorite Twitter follow Jesse Kelly on his show to talk about the media’s reaction to the whole Jussie Smollett fake hate crime. It’s always a treat watching Jesse Kelly, so enjoy:

Listen, I have my doubts that Jussie Smollett will face any legal consequences for wasting police time and resources on his vanity project.

He should, and maybe the jury will surprise us and convict him.

I’ve just learned not to expect much in situations like this.

But at least we get the opportunity to enjoy this idiot’s fall from grace all over again.

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3 thoughts on “I just love the Jussie Smollett Story

  • December 3, 2021 at 1:00 pm
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    No matter the outcome, you have to give Juicy kudos for hanging on to that precious sub sandwich and for displaying enough turpitude to keep wearing that deadly noose so the “evidence” would be properly preserved in the commission of this heinous hate crime. With that kind of foresight and attention to detail, perhaps Juicy could procure a starring role in the new Shitcago crime drama, “Hate in da Hood”.

  • December 4, 2021 at 8:15 am
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    From what I understand the judge is an Obama appointee that Biden elevated just in time to take this case. Don’t be surprised if the jury finds him guilty the judge sets the verdict aside.

    • December 4, 2021 at 8:47 am
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      That’s incorrect. James Linn is a Cook County judge, not a federal judge. Presidents only nominate federal judges. Linn was elected by voters.

      I think you might be conflating the judge in Smollett’s case with the US District Court judge in Ghislaine Maxwell’s case. Chuck Schumer recommended Maxwell’s judge for a nomination to the US Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit. No doubt Biden will take Schumer up on his recommendation and nominate her.

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