If Beto ran for Asshole King, he’d win in a landslide

If Beto ran for Asshole King, he’d win in a landslide

You know, I’ve been doing this for almost ten years now, and at this point, there isn’t much that can shock and disgust me anymore. But that asshole Robert Francis O’Rourke using an official press conference about the murder of nineteen children to stage a campaign stunt was so repulsive and obscene, it managed to shock and disgust even someone as cynical and jaded as I am.

You’ll notice I haven’t written a single word about this mass murder. As I said, I’ve been doing this for nearly a decade, and over the years, I’ve developed what I call the “Shut the Hell Up” approach to these incidents.

Imagine how much better off we would be as a country if everyone would just join me in shutting the hell up? If all the hot takes froze solid and shattered into a million pieces before they got posted in the press or social media, or spoken from the halls of Congress or the White House podium, we could dial down some of the division that is consuming this country.

I avoided reading news articles about this murderer’s rampage and ignored as much of the insanity as I could when I went on Twitter.

But when Beto pulled his campaign stunt, I saw red.

Admittedly, Robert Francis O’Rourke isn’t the first politician to stand on the bodies of the dead for political advantage. It’s become something of a cottage industry over the last ten years or so.

But his stunt reached a whole new level of perverse that, before he did it, I never imagined anyone would even consider going that far.

It’s Friday. I’ve been trying to write this column all week. And I couldn’t. Every time I started, the F-bombs were coming so thick and fast, my office was like Dresden during the War.

I could not find the words to describe how disgusted I was with that man — I mean, other than bellowing “Fucking ghoul” so many times, it lost all meaning.

In what universe would anybody think it was a good idea to crash a press conference about a horrific mass murder that left 19 little children dead?

Imagine sitting around with your campaign staff discussing the best way to hijack this press conference to provide maximum publicity for yourself.

Who thinks this way?!

What sentient human being with even a sliver of conscience would even entertain an idea like this? Is there not one person in the Beto campaign that’s made of human parts?

Now, if Beto O’Rourke was running for Asshole King, I’m sure his gratuitously profane stunt would deliver him a landslide victory.

But since he isn’t running for Asshole King, Beto’s vile, narcissistic performance should win him nothing but derision and contempt.

Sadly, among the usual suspects in the media and Blue Check Twitter, Beto’s exploitation of dead children and their grieving parents for his own selfish ends is getting exactly the kind of praise we’ve come to expect from those horrid creatures.

I do not doubt that after he pulled this obscene stunt, donations began rolling into his campaign from every single Democrat enclave outside of Texas.

And let’s be honest, that was the whole point of pulling this shitty, depraved, and heartless stunt.

It’s why the instant he got tossed out like the piece of shit that he is, this self-satisfied glory hound rushed to the news cameras.

Beto isn’t trying to win over Texas voters. He isn’t even particularly interested in serving as their Governor. This is just another shameful episode in his quixotic quest to boost his national profile and social media celebrity status.

And because he is the most self-centered, narcissistic asshole to ever walk the earth, he is more than happy to use the bodies of nineteen dead children to give him that boost he so desperately craves.

May he rot in hell.

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6 thoughts on “If Beto ran for Asshole King, he’d win in a landslide

  • May 27, 2022 at 12:56 pm
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    Don’t use “Beto” for this a-hole’s name. He’s no more a Beto than I’m an Alonso (which was my name in High School Spanish class).

  • May 27, 2022 at 2:24 pm
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    Thanks for your sanity in this unfortunate situation as you always do.
    There appears to be a misunderstanding with him thinking people are calling him Beto when they are actually calling him Puto.

  • May 27, 2022 at 3:45 pm
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    Bozo O’Dork

  • May 27, 2022 at 4:41 pm
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    President Trump tagged him with the monikers Zero O’Rourke and Irish Bob

  • May 27, 2022 at 7:14 pm
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    Like you, I saw red and probably experienced blood pressure in the stroke/MI territory. Even though my vitals eventually returned to some semblance of normal, I still had an overwhelming urge to hop in the car and drive to Texas. Watching him flap that soy-enhanced arm and point that scrawny index finger, both of those body parts were begging some burley security guard to “realign” them. Oh well, can’t blame a guy for wishful thinking. As for being the most self-centered, narcissistic asshole, he has some stiff competition from O’Blah blah, especially when he attempts to interject his outsized ego into the situation by linking George Floyd’s fentanyl fueled suicide to the Uvalde massacre.

  • May 28, 2022 at 7:54 am
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    Accusations of racism is all the democrats have. Chicago Jesus is a master at dividing people by gender, race and religion. When I was doing medical transport I went into an older black lady’s house to take her to the hospital. There on her mantle was a picture of Jesus with a picture of the Kenyan half breed right next to it. All these people see is color. It’s been drummed into their heads for 60 years.

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