Listening to “White Christmas” is killing people!!!

Listening to “White Christmas” is killing people!!!

In what can only be described as an explosive story, the Washington Post is reporting that every time you listen to Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” five people have died from the coronavirus between the beginning and the end of the song.

So for the love of God, stop listening to “White Christmas!”

Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” has so much blood on its hands, they might as well rename it “Red Christmas!”

Now, I don’t know if it’s just Bing Crosby’s version that has such a fatal result, or every version of the song.

It might be possible for you to listen to someone else singing “White Christmas” with little to no adverse effect. But why take the chances?

If it saves only one life, it’s worth it, right?

So just stop listening to it altogether just to be safe.

On the plus side:

Okay, to be fair to the Washington Post, the argument the writer is desperately trying to make is COVID is so deadly, about five people will die of it during the three minutes it takes to listen to “White Christmas.”

But, really?

We’re going to use the “run time of a popular Christmas song” death measure from now on?

What’s the point of writing an article like this?

Last night, the Washington Post did a story about Saturday Night Live introducing a new Joe Biden impersonator for their show.

SNL lasts 90 minutes.

In other words, every time you watch SNL, about 150 people have died from the coronavirus between the beginning and the end of the show.

Look, Mom! I’m a journalist just like the people at the Washington Post!

Last year, 2,845,793 Americans died. That’s 5.41 deaths per minute. Or, to use the Washington Post’s “White Christmas” Death Measure, in 2019, an average of sixteen people died between the beginning and the end of “White Christmas.”

Do you feel better informed?

I wonder how much “Democracy” dies during the run time of “White Christmas.” Has the WaPo calculated that yet?

Does the “White Christmas” Death Measure help put anything into perspective?

Of course not.

This is just more Washington Post COVID panic porn with an added splash of making you feel guilty for celebrating Christmas during a pandemic.

These people are assholes.

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9 thoughts on “Listening to “White Christmas” is killing people!!!

  • December 20, 2020 at 2:12 pm

    Nearly 100 die for every Rachel Maddow show…good thing she’s not on over the weekend.

  • December 20, 2020 at 5:27 pm

    Of course they had to pick “White Christmas.” Subtly lay the blame for the deaths on both white people and Christians. We’ve already heard the call for white people, especially old white people, to be sent to the back of the vaccine line.

    • December 20, 2020 at 9:49 pm

      How many suicides occur during The Barney Song?

      OK, how about It’s a Small, Small World?

      How many WANT to commit suicide when they hear these songs?

  • December 20, 2020 at 5:54 pm

    I’m waiting for someone to say White Christmas is racist.

  • December 20, 2020 at 8:05 pm

    Reminds of when Bono announced that every time he clapped a child in Africa died, someone from the audience told him to stop clapping.

  • December 20, 2020 at 10:23 pm

    Such giants of journalism!!! Where does WaPo get these treasures?

  • December 20, 2020 at 10:30 pm

    I never have (and never will) read a Washington Post newspaper. What would it take to read every word? 2 hours? My Gawd, that’s 120 dead while reading a fish wrapper!! Unconscionable!!

    • December 21, 2020 at 9:38 am

      Back in the day when I worked in the DC area, we called WaPo by a different name: Potomac Pravda.

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