Madonna is morphing into Hillary

Madonna is morphing into Hillary

My brother texted me on Tuesday to ask if I’d seen the pictures of Madonna at the Grammy Awards.

Of course I had. It was inescapable.

Sure, I don’t watch Hollywood award shows. But, as I said on Tuesday, with social media driving the news cycles, it’s impossible to avoid what happened on award shows anymore.

I replied to my brother’s text with one word, “Bloat.”

Then I followed up by suggesting that if Madonna would embrace her age and stop dressing like a 13-year-old girl at the mall, perhaps she wouldn’t look so hideous.

She’s like Bette Davis in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.”

Then this morning, as I was having my tea before work, another image of Madonna at the Grammys scrolled across my Twitter feed, and it suddenly dawned on me.

Madonna isn’t turning into Bette Davis. Madonna is turning into Hillary Clinton if Hillary suddenly stopped wearing her oversized Muumuus and went for something age-inappropriate. 

My brother thinks Madonna’s appearance can be explained by Botox.

But isn’t the point of Botox to make you look younger? You don’t get Botox to age 11 years and morph into Hillary Clinton, for crap’s sake.

Unsurprisingly, Madonna is taking the mockery of her appearance at the Grammys about as well as Hillary took losing to Donald Trump. And just like Hillary, the over-the-hill pop star blamed the mockery on “misogyny.”

She also claimed she was “caught in the glare of ageism.”

Yeah, only because you insisted on dressing like it was still 1983 and you’re still only 24.

The only person committing ageism here is Madonna.

When you are old enough to look like Hillary Clinton, doing your hair up like Pippi Longstocking on a humid day won’t change the fact that you are no longer the bustier-wearing Material Girl writhing on a gondola while lipsyncing to “Like a Virgin.”

Embrace the passage of time, honey, and learn to age gracefully.

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6 thoughts on “Madonna is morphing into Hillary

  • February 9, 2023 at 4:19 pm

    In a couple of those interweb photos, she looks like Jeff Dunham’s dummy, Peanut. Just put on purple makeup and dye the hair green. Not that we should judge somebody by their looks, but damn! Grow the eff up, woman; you are no longer sexy, or relevant for that matter.

  • February 10, 2023 at 9:13 am

    The first thought I had when I saw a picture of her was, “She looks like the murderous Jigsaw from the movie Saw.” All she needed were the red spirals painted on her cheekbones. All the celebrities and politicians are turning their faces into alien looking masks, through constant plastic surgery, implants, collagen, and Botox. They probably bathe in the blood of aborted fetuses. Doesn’t some celebrity use aborted fetal cells in her commercially available facial cream line? Star Trek: Insurrection had a character played by F. Murray Abraham that needed constant plastic surgery to keep his huge skin folds on his face pulled tight. Gruesome scene and probably similar to what is done. I think it is just consequences for a life lived in total depravity and evil.

  • February 10, 2023 at 9:24 am

    I just about jumped out of my chair and ran screaming for some eye bleach after seeing this latest photoshop masterpiece. I didn’t think an image could be more horrifying than Madonna’s new visage, but I was WRONG. You’ve really outdone yourself this time. Definitely one to put in the Dianny hall of fame/shame. However, it should be accompanied by a warning “ not for children, or the faint of heart, or those with any medical condition”. Now if I could just unsee the image and get it out of my mind. Gonna have nightmares over this one.

    • February 10, 2023 at 8:36 pm

      Have to agree that image is nightmare fuel. I admire Dianny’s skill in making it, but ouch.

  • February 11, 2023 at 5:21 am

    Felonia von Pantsuit has a voice suited for Rudolph Valentino movies, a body designed for “before” shots in NutriSystem commercials, a face auditioning for XXX granny porn, and a mind that belongs in an induced coma for the sake of humanity.

  • February 13, 2023 at 3:28 pm


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