Meghan Markle’s Pity Party

Remember when little girls would have Princess Parties? This was back when little girls weren’t browbeaten into hosting gender neutral, super-non-offensive events. Little girls would dress in finery and little tiaras and pretend to be royalty. Imagine being one of those girls and seeing an American grow up to actually become a part of the royal family. Livin’ the dream, folks. Meghan Markle was livin’ the dream.

I guess once you actually become royalty holding a Princess Party is a tad redundant. So instead Meghan decided to throw herself a little Pity Party.

Rather than dress in finery and wear a tiara, Meghan wore a super expensive designer dress and a sour puss.

Nobody knows the trouble she’s seen.
Nobody knows but Oprah.

In the interests of full disclosure, I didn’t watch Meghan’s Pity Party.

There’s something unappealing about listening to a wealthy, privileged woman living a charmed life whining and complaining like she’s a charwoman with seven children living in a hovel down by the river.

I really hate this kind of stuff.

This morning, however, I watched a few clips from Meghan’s Pity Party and read a number of newspaper articles about it. Which, when you get right down to the ooey-gooey center is exactly what Meghan wanted: attention, lots and lots of attention.

Meghan Markle went from z-list television actress to international celebrity just for marrying up.

She’s not a victim.

But in America in 2021, the best way to get attention isn’t to marry a royal; the best way is to don the mantle of Victim – even if that means slandering your in-laws as frothing at the mouth racists who are depriving you of what you deem your rightful place.

And doing it all from your hovel down by the river.

You’d think after the Wallace Simpson scandal, the royal family would’ve learned not to let anyone marry an American. And that was worse because Wallace Simpson didn’t marry the second son of the Prince of Wales; she snagged the King himself.

He abdicated for her for crying out loud.

I’m thinking if Wallace Simpson was alive and saw that Oprah interview, even she would be mortified at Meghan’s Pity Party.

Truth is, Meghan is in Wallace Simpson’s debt.

Had Simpson not come along, King Edward VIII would’ve remained King of England. His brother never would’ve been crowned King George VI. And George VI’s daughter Elizabeth would never have been crowned Queen.

Which means Meghan would be married, not to the second son of the heir to the throne, but to some minor aristocrat nobody ever heard of.

Then again, if life had gone that way, Meghan, opportunistic climber that she is, never would’ve looked twice at this emasculated ginger she calls a husband.

And rather than thank Wallace Simpson – not to mention her lucky stars – for her undeservedly charmed existence, Meghan weeps over her hard-knock life from her palatial Hollywood estate while lobbing cheap shots at the people who made it all possible.

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