The other day, the Moms of the Insurrection came to Portland to stand guard over their precious little peanuts. Linking arms, they created a human shield between their sweet little babies and the meanie “Secret Police” so all the little Jadens and Madisons could ransack and burn property without facing any of the legal consequences.
What does it say about your insurrectionist movement that your mom has to turn up and give police a piece of her mind for having the nerve to intimidate her little snowflake?
“Oh, Caden! Don’t you look cute in that all black outfit! Harv! Harv, get the camera! I want to take a picture of him before he heads out!”
“Oh, now, honey. Stand still like a good boy and let Daddy take your picture.”
“Okay, but you have to promise to come downtown and stand guard while we set fire to the courthouse.”
“Don’t you worry about a thing! I already got on the Moms of the Insurrection Facebook page and sent out the call! We’ll be there crumb-cake. Don’t you worry. And if those mean men from icky Trump’s Gestapo lift a finger to arrest you, why, they’ll have to answer to me!”
“Honestly, Carol. I don’t think we should be getting involved with this.”
“Oh, Harv! You have never shown even an ounce of support for Caden! When the school was going to suspend him in the tenth grade for trying to stab the gym teacher, who was it who stepped in and put a stop to it? You?! Ha! Your genius idea was to let him face the consequences! That’s the kind of bad parent you are!”
I guess that joke about these anarchists being pampered little children living in Mom’s basement wasn’t a joke after all.
If you need a profile in bad parenting, look no further than the Moms of the Insurrection.
I keep trying to imagine what my Mom would’ve done if I decided to firebomb a federal courthouse or throw bricks at police. And I’m thinking standing guard over me while I broke the law, would definitely not be on the menu. I doubt my mother would even bail me out of jail.
You break the law, you pay the price. That’s more my Mom’s style. And thank heaven for that.
This kind of over-protective parent isn’t doing her darling scamp any favors.
And what kind of spoiled man-child needs to take his mom to an insurrection?
They’re just like the brave Americans who stormed the beaches of Normandy … if those brave Americans had taken their mothers along with them to form a human shield.
“Well, Mom. I’m off to the Army. When the invasion comes, I’ll give you a call so you can parachute onto the beach in advance with all the other moms and protect us from the German guns.”
One thing’s for certain. This overprotective action by the Moms of the Insurrection certainly does shed light on why these losers rioting in Portland are such narcissistic, performative, navel-gazing “revolutionaries.”
Something tells me they aren’t going to like the civil war they incite. Because real Americans aren’t going to take time-outs while the enemy calls Mommy to save their scrawny asses.
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