Mourning Mary

Mourning Mary

When I called my parents yesterday to tell them my pup Mary had died, I told them I wanted to try and work to take my mind off of it.  But my Mom told me to go ahead and let myself cry.  Mourning is important.

So I took her advice and spent the day mourning Mary.

I can tell you yesterday was rough.  Once it hit me, I cried a lot – so much so my eyes were burning and tired by evening.

Around noon yesterday, I started to get up from my desk to let the dog out.  It wasn’t until I was halfway out of my chair that I remembered she wasn’t here.

The house felt unusually still and empty.

You don’t realize how much life and energy a dog brings to your home until she’s gone.  Since I spend 99% of my time here at home, Mary was so much a part of my life here, I imagine it’ll take some time for me to adjust to the absence of her.

And it was the little stuff that got to me the most yesterday.  Walking into the living room and not hearing the clip-clip-clip of her nails on the floor as she trotted behind me.  Not having Mary pop up at the pass-through window in the kitchen at dinner time. Willow is a great cat, but she isn’t big enough to pop up at the pass-through window to watch me get her dinner ready.

It was the absence of all those little things that had me mourning the loss of my beautiful dog.

Watching her roll around like a goofball in the backyard.

Mourning the rolling

The way she and Willow would grudgingly share space under my desk while I worked.

Mourning her absence

This is what I am mourning – the loss of her.

Who’s going to chase after me when I mow the lawn?

Who’s going to jump up on my bed to say good morning when I wake up?

It’s definitely going to be a long period of adjustment.

I want to thank you guys for all the kind words and good wishes you sent my way since Mary passed.  It was a tonic.  Many of your messages made me cry.  But, as my Mom reminded me, crying is a part of mourning.

I buried my beautiful Mary in the garden beside her kitty sister Buffy. The absence of her hurts my heart. But the memories of her will always be with me.

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21 thoughts on “Mourning Mary

  • June 9, 2020 at 8:55 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • June 9, 2020 at 9:12 am


    My pup turned 13 this weekend – I’ve felt for years that we’re on borrowed time. Reading about Mary yesterday was a punch in the gut and I don’t even know you! I know someday I’ll be going through exactly the same thing and I *dread* it. Wishing you peace, wonderful memories, and maybe someday the opportunity to welcome a new set of toenails to click behind you.

    • June 9, 2020 at 9:58 am

      Jen, couldn’t add a thing to your thoughtful words.. well said.

  • June 9, 2020 at 10:11 am

    Words are inadequate, so sorry.

  • June 9, 2020 at 10:23 am

    Oh my, Dianny this post really brought tears to my eyes thinking about the 5 dogs I had in my life. The current cur is nuts and his antics I should chronicle. The other 4 are remembered fondly for their personalities and how they affected us. We laugh at times remembering ChiChi, Durty Hairy, Nicolai and Maxamillion Dollars. Take your time to grieve and know that one day you will smile thinking about Mary rolling in the grass.

  • June 9, 2020 at 10:38 am

    What beautiful thoughts. So real. Thanks for making me cry. There’s another 4-footed creature somewhere who wants you more than you can know. Start looking.

  • June 9, 2020 at 11:01 am

    Our household has also gone through the difficult loss of beloved pets.

    Actually several, from one champion of its breed dog, others not so much, to feral cats, house cats, to tropical fish. Yes, it is possible to connect with a fish. We lost the last of these animal friends years ago.

    Now, we have made the decision to remain without pets. Some may think this is a selfish choice. Let me say, the maintenance work and eventual repeated heartaches of losing pets does not make a small impact on a person’s quality of life.

    Afternote: There was one particularly difficult loss. I wrote about it too, years ago. That decision to personally memorialize my thoughts and feelings in that moment has stood the test of time, for me


  • June 9, 2020 at 11:24 am

    I’m well past 70. I got my first dog (Sarge, a Springer Spaniel) when I was 8. One man dog. He died when I was in Vietnam.
    Now, G.I.s are harsh men with distorted senses of humor (by civilian standards).
    If a guy got a “Dear John” letter, it would be stolen and read aloud and mocked.
    So I kept my tears to myself for a few days. Eventually, someone stole my letter and read it, aloud.
    Dianny, the whole damn barracks was in tears … no mockery, no jokes … these hardened men felt my loss like it was their own.
    Now, many years later, I have … beside my workshop … my own Pet Cemetery. Dogs and cats. Each one a beautiful story. Stories I keep close in my heart.
    And sometimes I laugh, or smile, or cry, as some random picture floats across my memory. they’re all still with me.
    I hope you adopt another friend, and share your caring self some more.

    • June 9, 2020 at 12:14 pm

      A girl broke up with here boyfriend who was a tractor salesman. She sent him one of those John Deere letters.

    • June 10, 2020 at 9:40 am

      Dear Dianny, although we’ve never met we share the same sentiments for the loss of a fond companion, a “Good Dog”. There’s a picture of my son as a youngster (he’s 17 now) on the fireplace mantle, been there for years, with his arms wrapped around the neck of our beautiful Daisy, our “Dog of a life time.” As a pup we rescued her from a Pound the day after New Year’s day, 2001. She is a pure bred Dalmatian and grew into our stout hearted, loving, faithful,
      family guardian. She sleeps in our garden now, near to us, near her home. As I walk by, the wiInd off the river rustles the tall Pines. Two pairs of Yellow Capped Night Herons are nesting where squirrels scamper. God. how I miss her!

  • June 9, 2020 at 12:00 pm

    What Jen said.
    Love and hugs to you all.

    • June 9, 2020 at 12:01 pm

      Ugh. That should say Meli. My fingers are crying. 🙂

      [I fixed it for you, Meli. — Dianny]

  • June 9, 2020 at 12:23 pm

    You’ll mourn Mary for a long time, because you loved her.
    When I lost my wonderful dog, I waited two years to get another pet, because I couldn’t imagine another dog replacing her.
    When I lost that next dog, who filled my life with such love, I went out and got another pet the next week. I still missed my departed dog terribly, but comparing waiting vs not, I heartily recommend a new dog as soon as possible.
    You won’t miss Mary any less, but it gives your heart a new thing to love.

  • June 9, 2020 at 1:16 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. My wife and I had to put our 9 year old schnauzer Rudy down yesterday due to illness. It was the saddest day of my life. Today doesn’t seem any better though. But I think he knew he was sick and was never going to get better. Knowing he was happy here and the great joy he gave us helps the heartache a little. I think it just takes time for the pain to go away. Hopefully not a long time.

  • June 9, 2020 at 2:46 pm

    So sorry for your loss Dianny. Every pup that comes into our lives is such a gift.

  • June 9, 2020 at 2:53 pm

    I remember when I had my first dog, Charlemagne. When he died I was so depressed I never bought another dog again. It just wasn’t the same…..
    I always reflect on the happy moments I had woth him. He was a fun and happy dog. I know he wouldn’t want me upset with his loss. Just look on the positives.

  • June 9, 2020 at 3:25 pm

    I am so sorry about your loss of Mary. I love the pictures of her.

    My best friend, at this very moment, is with her dog, Coach as he crosses the Rainbow Bridge. I am crying for both of you right now.

  • June 9, 2020 at 3:29 pm

    So sorry for your loss.

  • June 10, 2020 at 12:20 pm

    Hi Dianny. I’m so very sorry that you lost your Mary. She looked like a real entertaining companion. She started out on unsure footing, lost in a big world, not knowing what lay ahead. But she ended up living the life of a queen in your love and care. And she appreciated you every day. No dog could ask for anything more.
    Pets are the best except for that one thing. They don’t live very long. But just know that she appreciated every moment with you.
    My sincere condolences. We are coming up on that heartbreak soon.

  • June 10, 2020 at 6:02 pm

    God bless Dianny, there is nothing more difficult than losing a loving companion

  • June 11, 2020 at 1:06 am

    sorry for your loss. she looks like a sweetie

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