Pence versus the Shit-Weasel

Sweet merciful Zeus! The Vice Presidential Debate is over, thank heaven. If I were Tim Kaine, I would be begging the FBI to put me into Witness Protection.

Hillary must be furious. And when a Clinton gets mad at you, accidents happen.

Not since the Harlem Globetrotters used to beat the snot out of the Washington Generals has there been such a mismatched competition as tonight’s debate.

Mike Pence turned up for a Vice Presidential Debate, but instead of facing off with his Vice Presidential challenger, somebody let a heckler on the stage.

And not just any heckler. A Grade-A, First Class Shit-Weasel of a heckler.

This wasn’t Ali versus Frazier.

It was more like Ali versus Alfalfa.

Sweet fancy Moses.

I had to keep stepping away from the screen to give my body an opportunity to stop cringing.

Tim Kaine was so bad, this overwhelming sense of embarrassment kept washing over me like a cold rain.

Seriously, is this guy a shit-weasel or what?

I bet Mike Pence expected to be up against a fellow VP candidate and instead, there he sat at a table with some insufferable eighth-grader whose parents never taught him to be courteous or respectful.

There really was no comparison.

Pence looks like somebody you would pray is a heartbeat away from the presidency.

Kaine looks like the kind of guy who could only get close to the White House if he jumped the fence and ran headlong into the Secret Service before he’s carted away to the Booby Hatch.

This wasn’t a fair fight.

Even with having to debate both Kaine and the moderator, Pence was hands down the winner.

No contest.

If this debate was supposed to show Tim Kaine as the likable, more human face of the Democrat Party ticket, he crapped the sheets big-time.

He’s about as likable as the guy at the movie theater who won’t stop talking in his outside voice even after the movie starts.

Having to endure over 90 minutes with Tim Kaine is like being stuck on a 6-hour flight and the eight-year-old kid behind you won’t stop kicking the back of your seat.

I don’t know how Pence was able to sit there and not reach across the table and punch his lights out.

Kaine wasn’t just rude, he was an insufferable little shit-weasel.

Maybe we should start questioning his temperament.

Kudos to Mike Pence for hammering Hillary’s corruption — despite the fact that the moderator tried to shut him down every time he did.

There’s something particularly effective about having a man who is calm, collected and articulate eviscerate Hillary Clinton. It made it all the more damning.

I went into this debate with no preconceptions. The truth is, in 2012, I thought it was a no-brainer that Paul Ryan would make mincemeat of Joe Biden. Imagine my surprise when he failed to live up to my expectations.

As a result, as much as I thought that Pence would probably make Kaine look like a dolt, I decided not to get cocky and assume he would.

What I never could have imagined was that Pence wouldn’t need to be the one to make a fool of Kaine. Shit-weasel Kaine did it all by himself.

What was sad in that pathetic kind of way is that Kaine’s facial expressions gave me the impression that he thought he was killing it up there.

The only thing he killed was any hope of being taken seriously ever again.

I don’t remember the moderator’s name, and honestly, I have no interest in looking it up.

Though her questions were (for the most part) okay, she had absolutely no control over the debate. She let Kaine interrupt and behave like a petulant twelve-year-old.

I hope Donald Trump was paying attention tonight. Mike Pence showed him exactly how you deal with underhanded attacks and insults. Pence never let them take him off message. That is something Trump could really stand to emulate.

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