Political Props R Us

Political Props R Us

[A phone is ringing. After three rings, someone picks up.]

Customer Service
Political Props R Us. How may I help you?

Hillary
Yes. Hello. I will be campaigning in South Carolina starting
today, and I need to order some African Americans.

CS
Of course. I can help you with that. Do you have an account
with us?

Hillary
Yes. The account is under Madame Secretary.

CS
Password?

Hillary
Madame President16

CS
Ah, yes. Mrs. Clinton. Here you are. Now. We have a wide
selection of African Americans to choose from. Do you have
a particular age group or gender in mind?

Hillary
Maybe a few in all models. Old, young. Men, women. But
more women than men. Maybe three women for every man.

CS
Of course.

Hillary
Do you have any Black Lives Matter models?

CS
No, I’m sorry, Mrs. Clinton. Those models were very
defective and hard to control.

Hillary
Well, that’s probably just as well. Those people seem to
like Bernie better anyway. I was just hoping for some more
enthusiastic and excited props for South Carolina.

CS
How about a few from our Southern Baptist collection?

Hillary
Oh! That would be terrific. And if you could throw in a few
from that African Unitarian Methodist Rastafarian Church.
What’s it called?

CS
AME?

Hillary
That’s the one. Yes. Maybe a few of them. The more vocal
the better. Do you have any who are known for yelling
things like “Amen!” and “Preach it!” and stuff like that?

CS
Well, we can instruct them to do that if you want.

Hillary
You can give them specific instructions?

CS
Absolutely, Mrs. Clinton.

Hillary
That’s great. Okay. Yes. Include the instructions to be
very vocal, but only in a positive, reaffirming way. You know
what I mean? Applauding in all the right places and stuff.

CS
I’ll make a note.

Hillary
Are little children extra?

CS
They always are, Mrs. Clinton. Children are the hardest props
to control, so the added cost for training has to be passed on
to you.

Hillary
Fine. Okay. But only cute kids. Maybe a dozen little girls and
a cute, chubby boy or two.

CS
All right. I can probably get your whole order filled by tomorrow.
And we’ll ship them directly to your campaign headquarters.

Hillary
Perfect. Now, just so we’re clear, you guys owe me a discount
for the defective prop you stuck me with in Iowa.

CS
Yes. I see the note here, Mrs. Clinton. The sticker-eater. I
am very sorry that happened. That particular model was
discontinued after what happened in Iowa. I will make sure
that discount is applied to your order today. Also, we’ll be
throwing in one complimentary fainter.

Hillary
As long as the fainter is African American. I don’t want any
white fainters in South Carolina.

CS
Of course, Mrs. Clinton. I have your credit card information
on file here, and will email you a confirmation as soon as it
is processed.

Hillary
Do me a favor and email the confirmation to Cheryl. She is
better at handling emails than I am.

CS
No problems, Mrs. Clinton. We have her address on file.

Hillary
Good. Thank you.

CS
And thank you for shopping at Political Props R Us. Is
there anything else I can help you with today.

Hillary
No. Well, um. You may need to dry clean those American
flags we got from you for Tuesday. They got a little dirty
when we dumped them on the floor.

CS
That’s fine. It happens all the time when we rent out flags
to Democrats. That’s why we include a cleaning fee in all of
our flag rentals.

Hillary
Okay, then I guess we’re set.

CS
Thank you so much for your order, Mrs. Clinton. I’m sure
we’ll be hearing from you again soon!

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2 thoughts on “Political Props R Us

  • February 11, 2016 at 10:13 am
    Permalink

    I am in the wrong damn business. I’m thinking there would be need for crisis actors too. Faux enviromentalists would probably sell, and of course feminazis. I would have to agree with “C.S.” that BLM folks were hard to control. I suppose you could round up some LGBTs and some Muzzies, you would have to keep them separated though cuz everyone knows that Muzzies can’t COEXIST for squat. In fact I bet thier would be a lot of fighting if all of these props were to meet in the same room at the same time. We are talking WARNING: VOLATILE REACTIONS, SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION, HIGHLY FLAMMABLE, and EXTREMELY CORROSIVE! We would need a lot of D.O.T. Hazard Placards, tank baffles, large biotuminous bladders, tiedown straps, barbed wire, heavy duty insulated gloves, and protective eyeware just to handle this here SH!T. Wonder if ole Al Sharktone would be available, at an extra expense of course. Man the special handling overhead would be killer. We could probably pick up most of our supplies at any Liberal Arts University. If we turned our business into a 3 Credit Hour Humanities, Theatrical Modern Street Art course we could have them pay for all/most of the expenses as interns on thier Govt sponsored student loans.

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