Reset Number Four

Well, summer is coming to an end, and the Hillary Clinton Campaign has decided it is time to once again repackage Hillary in hopes that this time she’ll catch fire.

Welcome to Hillary 2016: Reset Number Four.

The crack team behind the floundering Clinton candidacy have come to the conclusion that what’s missing from their candidate is humor…

…and heart.

Humor?!

Hahahahahahaha!!!

I don’t think humor has been missing from this campaign.

Personally, I can tell you that since she first released her silly “That’s why I’m running to be President” video in April, I’ve been laughing my ass off.

But then again, I’m a huge fan of slapstick.

Hillary has been like Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton and the entire division of the Keystone Kops all rolled into one.

Buster Keaton Hillary

Charlie Chaplin Hillary

Over the last few months, Hillary has provided me with more laughs than even Michelle Obama. And that is saying quite a bit.

But these people steering this sinking Titanic of a presidential campaign really believe the key to turning the SS Hillary’s unfavorable numbers around is to create the illusion that Hillary is charming.

To borrow a quote from my favorite Joss Whedon TV show, “Firefly”: No power in this ‘verse…

But, points for recognizing that Hillary isn’t liked.

Of course if they had been smart they wouldn’t have started down this road to begin with, but now that they’re in it, the Hillary People have to think of something to minimize the “detestability factor” of their candidate.

From the New York Times:

They want to show her humor. The self-effacing kind (“The hair is real, the color isn’t,” she said of her blond bob recently, taking note of Mr. Trump) has played better than her sarcastic retorts, such as when she asked if wiping a computer server was done “with a cloth.”

Oh, yeah. That’ll turn those frowns upside down.

But in addition to adding a little supposed “self-effacing” humor, the geniuses in the Hillary Campaign believe they need to portray Hillary as having a heart.

This element of Reset Number Four is basically a rehash of Reset Number Two from back in April when her team decided they needed to “retool” Hillary to make her less self-centered and brash. Show the softer side of Sears, so to speak.

Apparently that didn’t stick.

So now they’re trying again.

Again, from the Times:

They want to show her heart, like the time she comforted former drug addicts in a school meeting room in New Hampshire.

What’s the old expression about lipstick on a pig?

Trying to get Hillary to look empathetic and caring seems about as likely as launching an ISIS Cares PR campaign.

There’s a scene from Season 2 of “Ugly Betty” when Wilhelmina Slater is trying to get the financial backing to start her own fashion magazine, but can’t get anybody to bite because her public image is so bad. Her assistant helps her to create an entire PR stunt showing the kinder, softer, gentler Wilhelmina Slater. They go to a children’s hospital ward where Wilhelmina sings songs to the kids. They film her donating her outdated couture dresses to the homeless. But then, on the way to celebrate their success in retooling her image, Wilhelmina shoves an old lady and steals her cab. When the old lady protests, Wilhelmina Slater declares, “I’m Wilhelmina Slater and I don’t get wet!”

Sadly for her, the old lady was Betty White. The video of her shoving her goes viral on YouTube and is remixed into a dance number.

Something tells me trying to portray Hillary as having a softer side will be just about as difficult to sell.

In fact, the New York Times even concedes this:

Previous attempts to introduce Mrs. Clinton’s softer side to voters have backfired amid criticism that the efforts seemed overly poll tested. This time the strategy will compete with news coverage on the latest developments over her email.

But hey. These idiots are in this campaign now. They made the mistake of letting a congenitally dislikable woman launch this run for the White House. I guess their philosophy is, when life gives you a sourpuss, try to make a humorous pitcher of lemonade.

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One thought on “Reset Number Four

  • September 8, 2015 at 7:18 pm
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    Hillary is reprising the Bill Murray role in Groundhog Day!

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