Superhero Mueller: Here he comes to save the …. DERP

Superhero Mueller -- Here he comes to save the …. DERP

Tuesday evening, the breathless news media was quivering like a spastic colon over the “high stakes,” “explosive” testimony from the long-silent Robert Mueller. This was going to be the moment that Superhero Mueller comes to save the day! Trump is probably nervous as hell. Yup. The walls are closing in. Trump’s time is nearly up.

But as with most of RussiaGate, the hype didn’t match up with reality.

Yesterday morning, ResistanceLOL Superhero Mueller rushed into a phone booth, ripped open his spandex outfit and revealed a stuttering, half-deaf, confused old man in a suit.

And that was the Robert Mueller who showed up to save the day for the Impeachment-eager Democrats.

Ah, well.

Robert Mueller’s House testimony wasn’t just a nothing burger; it was a painful, agonizing, disappointing disaster …

… for the ResistanceLOL.

The Superhero of the ResistanceLOL – the man who was going to “take Trump down” wasn’t the one who showed up yesterday.

Because he doesn’t exist.

Superhero Mueller is a fiction concocted in the fevered, Trump-deranged minds of the ResistanceLOL.

The real Robert Mueller didn’t seem to have the foggiest idea what was contained in his own eponymous report.

When he wasn’t asking for questions to be repeated, Mueller was confused, self-contradictory, unprepared and out of his depth.

I went on Twitter and followed along with the live tweeting from folks like Mollie Hemingway, Sean Davis, Julie Kelly, Will Chamberlain, and Kimberly Strassel. And those guys, as it turns out, are far more familiar with the contents of the Mueller Report than Superhero Mueller is.

And how crestfallen the members of the ResistanceLOL must be right now.

Sure, they were all smiles yesterday morning.  But within thirty minutes of Mueller’s testimony, I’m thinking those smiles were wiped clean off their faces like Hillary’s hard drives.

The girl with the pink backpack probably went home and ritually burned her copy of the Mueller Report in her bathroom sink as she sat on the toilet sobbing inconsolably.

How much you wanna bet she look more like this today:


You can’t help but enjoy the Schadenfreude.

And if you think those interns were crushed, just imagine how the RussiaGate peddlers in the news media must be feeling.

There’s a reason those on the Right were eagerly encouraging the Democrats to call Mueller to testify.

Those not invested in the fantasy RussiaGate knew instinctively that Mueller’s testimony was bound to be disaster for the impeachment-eager Democrat House.

As Rita Panahi once said, “President Trump is blessed with truly moronic opponents.” So naturally, the House Democrats insisted Mueller testify.

And while most people with a brain know that Superhero Mueller destroyed the Impeachment Fetishists’ hopes and dreams yesterday, the Democrats won’t give it up.

That’s why even after the agonizing day of disappointments, the usual suspects are still beating the Impeachment drum.

Yes, Ted. It was the absence of a laser light show that made the Mueller hearing such a disaster, you gormless twat.

I said once of Maxine Waters that “God Himself could descend from heaven and tell Maxine that President Trump is innocent, and she’d accuse God of being a stooge to the Kremlin.” 

That holds true for Ted Lieu, Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler, Eric Swalwell and the rest of the idiot Democrats in the House.

They’ll never let it go.

They can’t let it go. It’s all they have left. And rather than simply accept the fact that their two-and-a-half-year witch hunt was based on smoke, they just keep wishin’ and hopin’.

But I think for the normal Americans outside of the DC/NYC/Hollywood bubble, the myth of Superhero Mueller and the grand “Trump is a criminal who must be frog-marched out of the White House” narrative died a painful, embarrassing death yesterday.

No matter what the wishful Democrats and their media handmaids may want to tell themselves.

And their insisting on trying to keep the dream alive will only make them look petty, churlish and a wee bit delusional.

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19 thoughts on “Superhero Mueller: Here he comes to save the …. DERP

  • July 25, 2019 at 11:16 am

    Wow Dianny, that is one of your best Click Bait Headliners yet. OUTSTANDING!!

    • July 25, 2019 at 11:23 am

      That’s the most insulting thing anyone has ever said to me. I don’t do click-bait. I do humor. If I ever write a headline that ends with “and you won’t believe what happens next,” you can use the insulting “Click-bait” term against me.

      • July 25, 2019 at 7:17 pm

        Well Damn, EXCUSE ME, Please.

        This is what I was referring to: “Superhero Mueller sputtered out like a wet fart. And no amount of Mueller prayer candles can change that.”

        I squirted coffee out my nose when I read this lil TEASER, AKA Clickbait. I HAD to read the post after that. I didn’t mean anything disrespectful or whatever, it was NOT AN ATTACK UPON YOU or YOUR READERS. I thought that maybe that was your intent, your goal, to get people to read your posts. I could be wrong, wouldn’t be the first nor the last time I has ever happened. At any rate, I am sure that we, all of the adults in the room, will all be over it in nothing flat. And if not, well that is not my problem. I hope that you folks can all have a good rest of your day.

        • July 25, 2019 at 8:20 pm

          Well, of course I want people to read my stuff. But what I don’t do is create posts that deliberately mislead or force people to click the link in order to find out the contents. I live by the assumption that if my stuff is good enough, I don’t have to force people to click the link to find out if they’re even interested. To me that’s what “click bait” does. It deliberately withholds the meat of the matter so that the only way you can know what in the heck the point of the post is is to click the link and read it. I think that’s crap. All the “and what happens next will shock you” type garbage is a tease. I prefer to avoid that kind of teasing garbage. Typically when I see the term “click bait” it is usually accompanied by words like “trash” or “garbage.” I’m glad you laughed at the tagline. I prefer to invite people in to read my posts by making them laugh. That isn’t click bait to me. Sure, it’s my issue. But the connotation to me is negative. It would be as if I invited you to Thanksgiving dinner, cooked up a storm and made a really enjoyable meal and your response was “Wow. This was some of the best garbage swill I’ve ever eaten!” You’ve been a reader for years. My reply was (believe it or not) partially tongue-in-cheek because I know you don’t think of my stuff as garbage. Sorry if other commenters jumped in your chili. You didn’t deserve that.

          • July 25, 2019 at 9:06 pm

            Believe me when I say I am OFTEN misunderstood, misread, and misquoted. I REALLY LOVE YOUR SITE, and have enjoyed your OUTSTANDING sense of humor for many years indeed. I am not a snowflake in the least, my skin is not thin, I can take a lot of punishment from those who really do not know me. I am not, offended. Actually, I was amused by the reaction of some. I STILL think that Your Site is one of the VERY BEST SITES that I Check every day. No Harm, No foul, No Hard Feelings here. Your Tag line was SPOT ON as always, Dianny! Keep up the Good Work. I would NEVER INSULT THE CHEF of a GRAND FEAST! I too work for a living. I know what it takes to be successful. You have my RESPECT!

    • July 25, 2019 at 11:51 am

      Dude, seriously? You obviously don’t know what or who Dianny is about.

  • July 25, 2019 at 11:47 am

    and the pencil neck geek schiff has taken it upon himself to translate Mueller into English, he says he has the ‘essence’ of what Mueller was trying to say,,,,,,,,,,what buffoons

  • July 25, 2019 at 11:49 am

    Ted has the most punchable face on earth.

  • July 25, 2019 at 1:42 pm

    ‘Sfunny – when I read the headline on the front page, I heard:
    “Superhero Mueller” – in the voice of the old TV Superman announcer;
    Cut to the familiar childhood theme song of Mighty Mouse;
    Cut to the Derp honk frequently used by vlogger Zeducation.

    Got my clickbait 😉 money’s worth before I even clicked.

    All well-written headlines are ‘clickbait.’ It’s the clickbait-and-switcher gives the term a bad rep. heh

    • July 25, 2019 at 2:09 pm

      Point taken. “Click Bait” has become synonymous with “We’re not really going to tell you what this post is about. The only way you can find out is to click the link.” And I hate that kind of shameless crap.

  • July 25, 2019 at 2:50 pm

    Ted Lieu appears to believe that “thinking about doing something” is the same as doing it. Thus, based upon Teddy’s view of the law, if I posted on Facebook that I wanted to drive down I-35W doing 120 mph, then the Fort Worth police could give me a ticket for speeding, not because I did, but because I thought about doing it. How do these people get elected. It just shows that most voters are not very bright.

    P.S. – I’ve never felt that your stuff was “click bait”.

  • July 25, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    I don’t know what the term “click bait” means. Don’t really care. I view Dianny and Patriot Retort as a place for humor and a bit of common sense in this media madness we are trying to survive.

    • July 25, 2019 at 7:49 pm

      I’m with you, Stephen.

      • July 25, 2019 at 10:47 pm

        Thank you, at least there are two of us.

  • July 25, 2019 at 7:47 pm

    Pencil Neck just said that Mueller “lived up to all their expectations”. OK.

    • July 25, 2019 at 10:54 pm

      Schiff gives pencils a bad name

  • July 26, 2019 at 4:50 am

    I am just wondering how this Hearing will affect the cases he brought against people. ( Flynn,Popadopalus? )
    I would tell the Judge that this man was in no condition to make a Decision on if it was a Lie or the Truth and ask for the case to be thrown out.

  • July 26, 2019 at 12:14 pm

    I love the smell of Bolshevik FAIL. Too bad so sad about Saint Mueller comrades of the resistance. Now on sale at the dollar store…Mueller votive candles.

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