The Bitch-Attack is Back

I was telling my boss the other day that when I get sick, I eventually end up suffering a full-blown bitch-attack. Well, it’s here. The bitch-attack started yesterday, brought on by a raging fever that soaked my clothes and left me with such a bad headache the whites my eyes went completely blood red.

It’s either a bitch attack or I’ve become demon-possessed.

I thought I’d check in to let you know that, though I’m suffering a bitch-attack and the accompanying fever, I’m still alive and kicking bitching. Daisy has been my constant companion, curling up next to me on the couch, purring like a motorboat, and making biscuits on my side. She’s even giving me a break from playing fetch with her, which I appreciate.

The funny this is, this same thing happened to me a year ago. I got a head cold that stuck to me like fly paper for weeks. Then the fever started and the bitch-attack happened. I ended up in the hospital that time because my doctor thought I had the WuFlu.

I didn’t have the WuFlu. Nor did I have pneumonia. All the ER doctor could conclude was I had a virus a non-specific origin.

This time I will not go to the emergency room because that was gigantic waste of time — plus they kept me in isolation for hours and wouldn’t even let me out to go pee.

This morning I made the idiotic decision to run to the grocery store when I got done with work. BIG mistake. I mean, I managed to stay upright, but by the time I got to the checkout, my clothes were soaked in sweat and I was shaking like a spastic colon.

I confess, I purchased non-doctor-approved food items (don’t tell my rheumatologist). But since I have zero appetite and my throat is so damn sore I can barely swallow, I wanted to buy a couple packages of lemon ice. There’s nothing more soothing for a sore throat than Italian lemon ice.

In the meantime, please bear with me, guys. I know I’ve been No-Show Dianny these last couple of weeks. But as it is, I can barely make it through my paying job before I collapse. I’m hoping a good solid rest over the weekend does me a world of good.

Now I am going to camp out on my couch, watch episodes of “Foyle’s War,” and hope the lemon ice keeps the bitch-attack at bay.

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