The waiting is the hardest part

I told you last week that I had to have a biopsy on the same day my cat Buffy died.  And I’ve decided that waiting to hear about the results of a biopsy is even harder to endure than the pain from the biopsy itself.

And that biopsy hurt like the dickens.

I have never been accused of having the patience of Job.

Or, as Paris Geller once said it on “Gilmore Girls:”

The waiting is the hardest part

I hate waiting for stuff – especially if I am completely powerless to make the waiting time any shorter.

The doctor told me it would take a week to get the biopsy results.

Despite knowing it has not yet been a week, I can’t understand what the heck is taking so long.

I know.  It’s totally irrational.

Upstate sends you emails when they post lab results to your online chart.  Which is really pretty convenient. And twice in the last 24 hours I got emails from them.  My stomach drops.  The blood drains from my face.  Then I log on with trepidation and dread. The first time it was a message from my rheumatologist reminding me of my 6-month check-up appointment. The other was a follow-up “tell us about your appointment” message from the doctor who did the biopsy.

Naturally, I responded to both with an exasperated “Come on!!!!”

Now, on the one hand, I don’t want to know what the biopsy shows.

On the other hand, the waiting it driving me completely sack of hammers.

The problem of course is I fill this interminable waiting with the hit parade of “What ifs.”

What if it’s cancer?

What if I have to have chemo?

What if it’s an infection that can’t be treated by the one and only antibiotic I’m not allergic to?

What if it kills me?

And round and round the crazy-making merry-go-round I go.

It’s totally nutty and entirely unproductive.  And I know it.

But I’m doing it.

Ordinarily I’m a pretty easy-going, come what may kinda gal.  But waiting on the biopsy results has turned that easy-going gal into an anxious, nervous, irritable basket case. I even have a bit of the crazy-eye thing going on here.

On the plus side, I hear anxiety burns a lot of calories. Plus, it’s completely deprived me of anything close to an appetite.

Though, in truth, the helpful weight loss benefit doesn’t make the waiting any easier.

Now Available!

Dianny’s new ebook, RANT: Derangement & Resistance in MAGA Country, is now available for purchase. You can find it at Amazon, Apple iBooksBarnes & Noble Nook Store, and at Smashwords for only $4.99!

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17 thoughts on “The waiting is the hardest part

  • October 2, 2019 at 2:11 pm

    I’m so sorry you are going through this. Prayers for you, Dianny. I really enjoy your blog. Your pic of Paris Geller reminded me how much I enjoyed Gilmore Girls. A shame that the Netflix four-part mini series was so bad.

    • October 2, 2019 at 4:48 pm

      I really enjoyed the 4-part GG mini-series. Except for the dumb music video-esque endless scene with Rory and the Life & Death brigade. I found those guys irritating and insufferable in the original series. No need to drag them into the 4-part series. I FF over that every time I watch it. But other than that, I really enjoyed it.

  • October 2, 2019 at 3:18 pm

    Wishing you the best possible result, Dianny! Plus, enough patience to keep you calm until you get there! ?

    • October 3, 2019 at 9:29 pm

      I lost my precious kitty the same time you lost Buffy. Tore me up. Honestly, I don’t see how you managed going for the biopsy and doing your columns. I was prone and useless. You must be very strong. May that strength stay with you. “In the day when I cried, you answered me, and strengthened me with strength in my soul.” — Psalm 138:3

  • October 2, 2019 at 3:33 pm

    Dianne know that I’m on your side
    I’m pulling for you.
    Chin up

  • October 2, 2019 at 4:18 pm

    Remember the serenity prayer

  • October 2, 2019 at 4:55 pm

    Dianny, here’s wishing you the Pearls Before Swine serenity prayer:
    God grant me da serenity to accept da prey me no can catch,
    Courage to catch da prey me can,
    And da wisdom teef to chew da big ones.

    Here’s praying for a positive result!

  • October 2, 2019 at 6:20 pm

    I don’t know you, but I hate to see somebody I like go through crap like this.

    Bless your heart, Dianny. I wish you the best.

  • October 2, 2019 at 9:29 pm

    Praying the result is a good one.

  • October 2, 2019 at 9:45 pm

    You are in our prayers ?

  • October 3, 2019 at 12:47 am

    Hang in there, girl. It’ll be alright.
    Always praying for you.

  • October 3, 2019 at 8:47 am


    • October 3, 2019 at 10:46 am

      BTW, Shazzam, my dad went to my PO box and brought your care package out to me. Willow loves the catnip. Thank you!

  • October 3, 2019 at 7:23 pm

    You will be fine.
    Love you

  • October 4, 2019 at 1:00 am

    Just went through a similar scenario. Was told I would get my results in 7 to 10 days. Finally called Dr.’s
    office Tuesday (after waiting 2 WEEKS) and was told, “Oh we mailed you the results four DAYS after your biopsy. (Never got it, Yay Post Office!). So over the phone I was told it’s benign by one person, only to have another person tell me it was an “actinic keratosis”, aka pre-cancer. Also I needed to come back in 2 to 4 months for a follow up since a biopsy isn’t a treatment. Couldn’t even get an appointment until the 4 month mark. (Is this the UK or what?) I can tell that your experience was much worse than mine, so I should just shut up. I did a poor job of commiserating; I sympathize and I do pray for you. Hope you have good news soon. You are loved.

  • October 4, 2019 at 11:36 am

    Dianny, I’m praying for you every day.

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